Today is a Another Chance

Too Much Padding?

2012-02-03T03:35:00.000-08:00

Risking sounding like generations before mine, I am beginning to wonder how we survived our younger years. We rode our skateboards without protection of helmets or pads of any kind, as we did our bikes, played outside for hours, probably without proper hydration & many times without parental supervision, went trick or treating with other kids, and many times definitely ate the wrong things in combination on the food nutrition wheel.

Educationally, both life and academically, things were really different too from today! We were encouraged to succeed, but allowed to fail. We pursued our passions, but if we weren't good enough, we didn't make the team. When we were disappointed by life, our parents teachers, scout leaders, pastors or coaches were there to encourage and help us learn from the experience. We were not shielded from failure, nor made to feel it was not our responsibility
in some way to deal with it & accept it as part of life.

I don't remember excuses being made, nor so many "quick fixes" being out there. I also don't recall so many children on medication, or adults for that matter to make then able to deal with daily life! Once grown if people could not deal with their spouses or children they found ways of dealing with it, that while certainly not perfect, were far from the permanent solutions many families choose today that we see splashed all over the media. Perhaps one of the reason we cannot deal with our concerns as adults is because we received too much "padding" as children and were therefore "shielded" from learning the life skills to enable us to weather the storms of life as we move forward?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148Fax: 386.837.4311

2012-01-26T05:47:00.000-08:00

Differences in the Sisterhood?

So much is written about birth order and how it affects our development as people mature. Whether there are changes in the family many times goes unexamined or the genetic predispositions
each child comes into the world with may not be considered.
When one is first born, middle or youngest in a family, with characteristics of each, has been given a lot of print however.

Still I often wonder how for example, sisters, close in age, from
the same family can turn out so differently? I ran into two at a favorite wine shop recently. One received me so warmly and was
only interested in making sure some of my recently deceased Mother's property was safe. The other sister, practically hissed
bitterness as she said my name and informed me I could not borrow an empty chair at her table for someone to sit in at mine.
Granted, I knew neither of these sister very well...but our paths had crossed a few times, over the years in our small town.

Many parents come to my office with similar questions...how can
the children they gave birth to be so different? One does exactly as
they are asked by parents and teachers....does so well in school and the other, well ... just the opposite! How can it be? Parents will
ask me, desperate it appears for a simple, it just must
be a mistake, that can be easily fixed answer.

So much can affect how we develop and how we will act as the adults into which we grow. No simple answers, or easy solutions. Acceptance of others, as they are and how they may view the world around them...may lead to understanding that they are so much alike, but allow for big differences...even in sisters.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHCLicensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance CounselorLicense #MH9166Phone: 386.747.7148Fax: 386.873.4311http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

Knowing Yourself, Again?

2012-01-14T05:50:00.000-08:00

I hear many say as they age they become wiser or more
in tune with the universe, etc. I am finding I am becoming
more of myself. Anyone else feel this way?

When I was young I was a very good athlete...before it
was popular for a girl to even play sports...particularly
to compete with the boys or to be good enough to
keep up with them on a sports field of any kind! I could
throw a knuckle ball or kick a field goal...pretty good
little guard in basketball as well. Liked tennis too...but
was only encouraged at summer camp in NC. My Mom
tried her best to not have anyone know I could play at
all! She relented with a basketball hoop finally, but I
have little doubt she told people in our little Florida town
that it belonged to my big brother.

In my teens played alot of softball, rode horses and
coached girls' basketball & softball. I was a pretty
fair coach and really enjoyed it! Many around me
encouraged me to go into coaching...once again the times
and my Mother discouraged this direction, (wanted to be
Pat Summit).However, from coaching I had accumulated a desire for counseling teens. So with that talent in hand I headed to Stetson University, the University of Georgia & the University of Florida to collect the credentials I needed to become a counselor
and therapist....for many years I did just that, working with individuals, teens & families in schools, my office and now as an online therapist.

Recently I became semi retired to care for my husband who
has terminal cancer....it is treatable and so we are enjoying as much time as we will be allowed to have together. As I move
through the "golden" years with some time to spend for the first time in many decades, I am rediscovering the love I had for
helping others and sports, which while I never lost it...I had
not had as much time for during the years of having a young
family, working, caring for aging parents and so on. I looked in
the mirror the other day and along with the "character" lines that come with age...I saw myself again. Even more I know now Mother, who I lost this past year, would approve.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHCLicensed Mental Health Counselor &Certified K-12 Guidance CounselorLicense #MH9166Phone: 386.747.7148Fax: 407.264.8289www.junderhilltherapy.com

Happy New Ending!

2012-01-01T07:02:00.000-08:00

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Maria Robinson

Our past is always there and for so many of us it deters or inspires us

as we go about our daily lives. Since we can't change what has happened to us perhaps making

choices to help reach destinations more to our liking is the way to go. Our individual

journeys are after all a combination of our choices along the way.

But how you might say? Our past is our past ... yes, but how we chose to view it or

allow it to affect us is the key. It really is a choice after all....even for

those who have experienced horrific things...not reaching out to for help is

a decision made, therefore letting the trauma continue to disrupt a life, many times

years after the occurrence. Not letting go of a lesser but painful hurt or disappointment is a negative

wall to the one holding on, as is not forgiving one who has caused you pain. Letting "downer" tapes

or "self talk" keep playing in your head is possibly keeping you from reaching many of

the goals you want to reach or finding the life you have been wanting.

Where do you want to end up? What goals do you to reach in 2012? You CAN change

the ending point, the future...but it is after all up to you!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor Florida License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Email: jhumhc@gmail.com
http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/61944

The Blues of the Season

2011-11-08T04:37:00.000-08:00

Does the beginning of the holiday season bring dread into your heart? As you
go into the stores and see the decorations going up does it bring tears
to your eyes, rather than a twinkle & a smile?

Many people suffer from seasonal depression, particularly now, between
November-January. For some it is the memories of better days, while
for others the solitary hours that are their daily lives. Still many will tell you
this time of the year has always made them "blue".

The temptation will be there to try to cheer these suffering folks up or get them into the "holiday spirit". Without trying to motivate them, go and be with them instead. When much of the world is in a celebratory mood, you may not understand. But give them an opportunity to tell you their "story". For someone who is surrounded by "blue" instead of the traditional red, brown & gold of this holiday season just being there & hearing them is an incredible, caring gift.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Women, Mixed Up In Friendship?

2011-11-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

Women friendships are complex in nature. Add children, spouses, or even pets into the "mix" and
it all becomes extremely difficult to navigate. If the friends are opposites, one shy, for example
and one extroverted...perhaps it is easier, as each can use their strengths to make contributions
to the relationship. But if similar in nature...for example both strong willed
and opinionated..even simple situations will be seen as a power struggle...
threatening and misunderstood...leading to hurt feelings, anger and resentment.

Unlike men women do not learn early to compartmentalize unless they are involved in sports
or are raised in a home that does not push the old school female agenda. Boys & men
can separate business from friendship, losing from socializing, while girls and
women not so much! Many women are smashing the glass ceiling professionally these days...
but still haven 't developed the talent or ability to be able to "leave it on the field"...or the office, school, business, etc.....unable to separate feelings from situations in which they find themselves,with the same individuals. Most men can go have a beer after a competition or business debate....while women doing likewise over a glass a wine? Well, don't think so! More likely most women will will take it home and analyze it only to carry it over well into the next day if not several more to come.

All stereotypical of course...but has honestly observed in many female friendships on any given day. For all of our wonderful female abilities of expression and emotional understanding, women tend to create more "drama" than is ever needed or called for. Mixed up? What do you think?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

Treatment Of Security?

2011-10-27T03:59:00.000-07:00

As I spend more and more time around cancer patients in treatment...
it becomes ever more apparent they feel safer near their doctors or primary
treatment facilities. For some just being in the same town is
a security lifeline which permits them to live day to day with less anxiety,
fear and concern for their conditions. Ironically for most, even being released
to go "home, home", (real home towns), creates great tension and
apprehension that they will not taken care of or that something will happen
to them while they are back in their own homes with their families.

I spoke with a survivor of breast cancer of many years. She told me that
even for her...she worked in a hospital, and preferred to be at work during
her treatment period as it made her feel more safe. "If something happened,"
she said, "I was in the right place."

Makes you wonder about celebrities, since that is who we hear about ....like
Michael Jackson. Perhaps it isn't the medical treatment they seek as much as
the security of having a medical professional at their beck and call. Even sadder in his case... the doctor may not been there for him medically, or more importantly did not provide the safety and security Michael Jackson may have really been seeking.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311 http://www.junderhilltherapy.com/

"Pity Party"

2011-10-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

Ever wake up and just cannot shake some very powerful
thoughts about your life? Many will call themselves "depressed" or say they need a "mental health day".

Perhaps even before the end of this day or the next, folks tend to begin to sheepishly apologize for taking this time to soothe themselves or receive what they would like to get from others...attention to "negative feelings" such as sadness, fear, regret, frustration or anger.

I can't help but wonder if people should give ourselves this time more often and make it "OK"? Perhaps we could avoid many of the bigger issues such as anger problems, anxiety disorder or true clinical depression. Many of those concerns stem, though not entirely, from the build up of feelings over time that we tend to deny or push down in order to get through our day to day lives. For many this is becoming tougher all the time.We will not always get from others what we need or feel "heard" therefore building up frustrations. Many feel it is selfish to validate their own feelings, but, perhaps a "pity party" once in a while, might just be an effective "self help" prescription?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor/Online Therapy
Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

Perspective Southern Style?

2011-08-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

As I sat in Little Rock Arkansas waiting for our oncologist,(my husband's current remission had ended), I couldn't help but be struck by my concern over other issues...my clients, my adult children & grandchildren, my Mother's estate and our finances of course in these tough times. All the things that for so many months had seemed so unimportant to think about as they were part of my daily life. I had basked in it, as it was so close to the "normal", we had experienced prior to my husband's diagnosis of High Risk, Multiple Myeloma/Plasma Leukemia in 2009. For most of 2011 we had become almost a regular couple. Bill, my husband is retired and I am working part time in my small private practice. We were seeing friends again for dinner, planning trips to our small chalet in NC, enjoying our walking horses and looking at getting more serious about kayaking. Not perfect, as I lost my Mother and Bill's Mom was in a nursing home. But, typical things for many people in Florida in our age group!

Now as I was looking once again at a possible long stay away from home(we were here for months last year)...all those things seemed so precious and so far away from the life we were now thrust back into by my husband's disease! Yet, I was also so thankful that we had a place to go that could offer him hope for more time with a decent quality of life. Still this was different...I was so determined before, this time I was sad. I could see due to this short remission length that our circle of "normal" was only going to get smaller as my husband's remissions grew shorter. I didn't want to be here this trip, didn't want to be away from the life we had created since our "nomad" searches for treatment in 2010. Despite the miracles and kindness at MIRT/UAMS I wanted to go home, almost like a child to the place where I feel I can face the realizations of just how precious and short life is. I almost felt like Scarlett wanting to return to "Tara".

Everyone keeps asking how I am holding up? Sad, as I said, wishing it wasn't "What it is". But I am dealing with it, being all my hubby needs me to be. The things I thought about in the waiting room the other day are actually a comfort as they will be there when we return and be taken care of until then. We will once again take up our lives...whatever size that circle of life may be. The doctor says this is "just a bump in the road". For me more like a hill this Florida gal must climb!

Jodi H.Underhill MEd.,LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor;
License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Need A Reaction Update?

2011-06-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

When lifes events make major changes in your life, how do
YOU react? Do you blame the heavens, other people or
just curse your bad luck?

Life is full of challenges and everyone has them of one
type or another. How you view each of life's lessons or
your attitude toward what comes with the "new normal" in their
"wake" determines your future and your actions.

Most who visit my office with their concerns demonstrate patterns of belief, attitude or routines that just don't fit
any longer with their present lives. Many people are "stuck"
and looking for someone to pull them out of the "mud". After we work on new strategies to navigate life's hills, curves and construction zones...not to mention the mountains and
bridges, most can view their life's map with renewed confidence
in their ability to navigate what comes.

What about the valley areas that can be so deep? Taking a look
at our belief systems and their outcomes can help us develop our abilities to deal with the lows of life, and like the really good times...they will come...as they are both
parts of life. How we feel about them and react to them makes all the difference.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Divided Families, Divided Child?

2011-06-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Constantly working with families who are not together usually due to divorce, I find there is always in the middle a child or children who only want to love both parents, in addition to the grandparents, aunts, etc. on either side. An there is the tough "nut"...the family "sides", both feeling they know what is best....even perhaps trying to alieninate the other parent by telling the child negatives about them, making thinly veiled threats or manipulating children to the point of emotional abuse.
What is even more upsetting is they do this absolutely certain that they are right and it is in the best interest of their child...or do the just want to win or be right?

What rich lives children could have if coparenting could be
actually done in the truest sense. The adults might put their
"weapons" away to work & even play together for the child's sake. How excited a boy or girl would be to look over while playing their basketball game to see his family members in the crowd, (not neccesarily together)..or hear grandparents calling each other to see if the others would like to come along on a special outing to enrich it for the child or children they all love so much.

But instead of these positive efforts, they threaten the parental rights of the other parent.... try to demonstrate how awful they may be or how attached the child/children are to them by at times purposely manipulating demonstrations of the child's
loyalty at the cost of his or her emotional wellbeing. These kids have enough divided "issues" without their very soul
being torn up any further.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311

Ordinary Days

2011-05-17T03:32:00.000-07:00

What makes an ordinary day? Your alarm goes off, the coffee maker starts and your house slowly wakes to a new day? Or...is it the people in your sleepy home being there with you or those you will see in short order as you head off to work, retirement activities or school?

If the routines and people you count on every day weren't there..would
it be so ordinary after all? Perhaps the not nearly as special as these
days we take for granted, when all is right with our tiny individual
worlds...just as we expect and those we care about to be.

Many who come for counseling yearn for these ordinary days...when life
doesn't throw curve balls so much or people are there for them to
feel loved and to depend on. Some others yearn for "drama" to ease the pain or dullness of their daily existance.

So if you start days you want & expect them to be each morning....be mindful that they are perhaps "extraordinary" after all. Enjoy that you have your routines, your loved ones and the activities what make your life your own!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311
http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/61944

Intimacy, Ever?

2011-05-14T06:28:00.000-07:00

Dr. Berman, a therapist who has appeared on Oprah many times has a homework assignment to help couples... "Start giving your partner a 10-second kiss at least once a day," Dr. Berman says. "You'll be surprised to see what a difference it makes and how long it feels compared to what you normally do."

Many couples who come to my office are looking to reconect for various reasons...but most are saying finding intimacy again is the most difficult for them. Whether old or young, gay or straight...the feeling of truly being connected with the person they love is the #1 priority couples mention when they visit my office for counseling.

After a short time however it becomes clear if true intimacy is what peope are searching for or primarily the physical part
of it. Many who have been outside their relationship discover that
they are actually afraid of real intimacy, while others discover
that they have never truly experienced it with another person. Still others long for that special "something" they had with their parnter many years ago...intimacy?

For long term couples Dr,. Berman's homework assignment many times
awakens feelings that may have been long in slumber....opening up
communication channels to get acquainted with the person they haven't really known, having been busy with raising families, building careers and facing whatever life has brought them over the years.

It has taken a great deal of time for couples to lose what brought them together. Concentrating on "the kiss" will certainly not bring it all back "in a flash"...but it is truly a great place to begin to discover a way back to each other....or perhaps to each other for the very first time.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Facing Death...How We Live?

2011-05-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

Facing your own mortality without faith of some type would appear to be a frightening proposition. I do remember a professor of mine saying once that since we don't recall being fearful before we are born, if it is that same "nothingness" when we die...do we need faith since there is nothing to fear?

My Mother died this past year and on Mother's Day I couldn't help but reflect on her, as well as my own mortality. I attended a service for a dear family friend in the afternoon. She had passed away at age 108...a truly remarkably long and fullfilling life. As I sat listening to the pastor speak of her good works and faith over her many years of life...I wondered if she had not had her faith to sustain her, if it would have been less of a life, than she had lived. I remember her strength, as well as my Mother's in her final days...even though a pastor said Mom was a "timid Christian", (in other words she was afraid of death). Mom and all of us are human,therefore perhaps fearful, and definately not perfect. But hopefully we leave impressions on this earth, during the time we are fortunate enough to spend here, only a meer sparkle in time, and only perhaps a twinkle the hearts of those we love.

I am not a Christian couselor per se....but I choose to have
my faith. It is a choice, after all....as is how
we live.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Finding Your Safe Place

2011-05-02T04:43:00.000-07:00

What makes us feel safe? Is it when one of our country's enemies are killed or captured? Is it knowing we have a job & therefore a way to care for our family and ourselves? Or is it internal...something felt within. Having the knowledge you are able to cope with whatever life may throw your way?

I recall a neighbor as a child who built a bomb shelter. They
felt after it's completion that they were prepared if the cold war had escalated to an attack on the USA. This morning the "talking heads" are discussing how one door may have closed for our country...an attempt to make our country feel safer. So many times at the conclusion of therapy clients say they feel better able to cope with stress & attacks on their self esteem. Many in our country feel happy & relieved this morning as a terriorist has been eliminated.

How can you feel safer?

1. Many times you cannot control what happens in life...
only how you react to it. Your values will make a huge
impact on your dealing with issues that come up. If they
are totally inflexible it will many times be harder for
you to tolerate situations in which you may find yourself.

2. Claim what you can control in your life to make
yourself more "fit" physically, emotionally & psychologically.
Working on your body and mind through self help, exercise, classes, groups and counseling to acquire & practice coping skills.

3. Sharing with your children the ability to make good choices
and decisions. Teaching them these skills from a very young age will not only help them feel safer, but lower the stress level of you as a parent knowing you have helped them to be prepared for situaitons they will face.

4. Many put off dealing with people or partcular problem for years.For many making a good plan, a choice and following through on it can revitalize a safety for an indiviudal...do away with a big, gray cloud that has stolen their emotionaly energy.

Safe life travels to you all!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

A Life Reflected

2011-04-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

I have often heard it said that how we face death reflects how we have lived our lives. A cancer patient of many years recently signed up for HOSPICE and even as she did her spirit was undeniable. Friends who saw her in her last days remarked that other than the oxygen and needing alot of naps..our friend was herself until medication & her illness made her no longer consciously aware to those who visited her.

She lived with such energy & flare...guess we all thought she might go kicking and screeming, as she loved life so. But over time
it appears she had made peace with her next journey. As she invited
HOSPICE into her home she reflected on her FB account how "good
drugs" would be coming her way and how her appetite was still in
good working order...finding positives still in the life she was
so preciously living, day by day.

Perhaps it is because this incredible lady had fully lived during the few years of her "terminal" illness that she could go "quietly into the night"?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Spring Cleaning of the Soul

2011-04-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

"Spring cleaning" is a ritual in many homes. Our houses collect dust and things over the winter and many feel compelled to clean them out and refresh the surrounding in which they live.

Perhaps it is a good time to cleanse ourselves of what has built up in our hearts & minds. Then our souls can rise again to love & live our lives.

Here are some ideas to spring forward:

1. Are you holding onto grudges? The
energy it takes not forgiving is only
draining you and keeping you from
living your life fully.

2. Exercise - now that the weather is so
good...it is a great time to start walking.
Not only will it help you get in shape
you can become reconnected to the beauty
that is Spring.

3. Clean out the cobwebs in your mind...
"should" "ought to" "never" "always"
are great ones to start with!

Happy Easter to you all!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Coming of Age

2011-04-19T04:25:00.000-07:00

At what age does a parent give their child the label of adult?
When is "maturity" a given, at what age? Is it fair to a
twenty something to look at their lives through the Dr. Phil quote of "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior"...or at some point does that become null and void? At twenty something does the young person deserve a new "predictor"?

Many parents tell me they remember the moment their child grew up, others tell me they wonder if they ever will. When one changes as they mature, do only time & good choices demonstrate an individual is no longer a child? At what point is it no longer fair to predict maturity still looking through the lens of teenage decisions & actions? In our society today is there truly a "coming of age"?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.738.0599 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Therapy: Change or Reflection?

2011-04-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

As a therapist my belief is that a counselor needs to
be a change agent in the lives of clients. To provide
a safe place, in which hopefully over time, people will
feel strong enough to risk the changes they were seeking when
they came through my office door in the first place...helping them to cope, so they can navigate their lives is a less stressful way.

A few times however I have found,after challenging clients' beliefs in order to help them affect change that they do not desire change at all. What these clients are wanting out of our therapeutic time together is someone to listen and commenserate. More than once to my amazement, a client has pushed back hard against the challenge of change, asking only to come to my office weekly to have someone listen to them. They just want to be heard. Makes me wonder if one can affect change by providing a reflective pool?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Rx: Mediation for John Boehner, Harry Reid?

2011-04-11T02:49:00.000-07:00

As our country leaders struggled with the budget this last
week, the two parties reminded me of a married couple continuing a long standing argument....one where the differences are not really ever addressed or solved. Why one might ask? Like our government both "sides" are more interested in pushing their agenda or "winning" the argument, than in reaching a compromise that is best for the "famiy", (our country's citizens)?

Perhaps some couseling in listening skills is in order? Or maybe conflict resolution? What a mediation might do for the leaders of our two policial parties...a counselor can only dream.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

"Clean You Room"

2011-04-08T05:56:00.000-07:00

Amazingly most parents of children with ADD/ADHD believe they
can just tell their kids a list of things that equal a clean
room and they will be able to do it. Like being able to follow
directions at school, (or not), children lose focus after
a short time or after about the second thing their parent is asking them to do. Many of the children I see in my practice call what their parents requests "rapid fire" or tell me
that it reminds them of the sound of a machine gun.

All children, not just those with ADD/ADHD can retain directions
best when they are short and concise. Some do better with a short
list that they can see and cross off the parts as they complete
them while others need to be verbally told or physically shown
1-2 things at a time, and then be given the opportunity to complete the tasks, prior to being given another.

Another component to a clean room, or any other chore completion is breaking the task down into "edible bites",like a large cookie broken into pieces...so that the child can understand
and carry out what is being asked of them. Some children can
digest more directions than others, which can be picked up by
an observant parent.Once aware, each time a chore or task is
assigned parents can give it to their child in pieces they
understand & reasonably carry out.

So the next time you say "clean your room", remember the
indidual tasks and actions that go into it! Perhaps starting
with "pick up your clothes", praising the results and then
giving another mini task to the end of a clean bedroom,
will not only lead to what you as the parent desire, but
with alot less stress on you and your child!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Education, Bullying, Next?

2010-10-06T05:37:00.000-07:00

Bullying has been around as long as there have been children. It has been part
of growing up in schools and in neighborhoods. Many of us have been victims and some have been the bullies. What is making this different for today's children... putting bullying in the national spotlight?

Have we let our children down by not teaching them coping skills? Is the speed
of the internet negating the ability of parents and schools to deal with these
situations as they arise? Has the country become desensitized to all but the
extreme cases, such as the recent suicide of a gay college student or the arrest
of the father of a special needs student in Florida?

There will be plenty of blame and finger pointing regarding this issue. Already the school in Florida is defending itself with a statement. Ellen has made a plea
which has been all over Twitter and Facebook. No doubt, at least initially...politicians, stars and others will be talking about this as a most
important topic...until the next one.

Last week it was education, this week bullying, next week...? Perhaps this leads
to one of the primary concerns...very important issues become "topic of the week".
or the day...then fade away back into daily life, out of the spotlight where
they are not dealt with by our best and brightest. No solutions are found, debate
quiets....until the next child dies or parent becomes the bully! Only, then...
will we look again for answers?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

A Single Step

2010-09-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

""A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step"....often the
most difficult step to take? When my husband was first diagnosed with multiple
myeloma, which is a terminal blood cancer...I did not want to take a step
outside or away from him. I wanted to take care of him, protect him and try
to control the uncontrollable. As you might guess, not only was this not
good for my husband or myself, it actually contributed to my feeling not
helpful, useful or able to contribute to anything or anyone in a meaningful
way.

Once I took the step away from my husband and back to my practice...even for
a few hours a day, which by the way seemed unthinkable at first...did I find
my feeling of purpose again...which is so vital to all of us. I am not saying I
am a magician, (In fact I often point out to my clients that no magic wand is
hanging in my office). But in most cases I can provide some comfort, discuss
some ideas or just really listen to people who come to my office looking to
discover a more meaningful direction for their lives...whether it be due to
a divorce, work stress, depression or dealing with a rebellious teenager at home.

Now when I leave my husband whether he is in or out of the hospital...I can do so
knowing I am giving him my best and because of that have something to give to
others each day. And when I leave my office I feel I have accomplished something
that gives my life purpose so I can take the step again back to and to care for the man
I love.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Are You Worth Your Time?

2010-08-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

Today more than ever I keep hearing, "I really need to do "whatever", but
I can't find the time. "If you want time, you must make it."(Charles Bruxton). I would argue that Mr. Bruxton was right! The only way you will ever find time for anything is to schedule it in the blackberry, on your calendar... or place it on the top of your daily "to do" list.

Ah...but women in particular while fabulous at multitasking & juggling between
their business and caretaking duties...are absolutely terrible at making time
to take care of themselves, i.e. their needs,their bodies, their feelings, or even years after women's lib.. asking for what they want or need! For many this time was the beginning of losing themselves. Years later as they feel abandoned by spouse/partners many come asking for tools to cope with a life they have to build for themselves! So used to taking care of others, they are clueless or feel guilty about putting that same time and effort into taking care of their own needs and scheduling time for the simplest things...a physical, working out or even taking time to remember what they enjoy or may still be passionate about before they started "real life" many years ago.

As they are getting in touch with who they are now and finding a purpose...even one minute at a time, if that's what it takes...these wonderful, interesting women appear to reawaken and actually say they are more themselves than ever! They begin to worry they are becoming selfish as they find themselves guarding time they now treasure to spend on what they want, need & feel is important. Some question their commitments, some wonder if they have ever had a healthy relationship of any kind. The roles they have played practically their whole adult lives may not longer fit into the "healthy" relationships that they long for...with family, friends and loved ones. Changing creates ripples in all of these emotional tides..but can the ripples lead to a more fulffilling trip? You really can can learn to ride the waves.
So ask yourself today...are you worth your time?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Parent Action Instead of Reaction?

2010-08-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

School is starting...so much excitement, along with new blank pages of paper, packs of pens & pencils, new electronics...all the trappings of a new school year!
Parents feel they are arming their children with everything they will need for
a successful school year. Even if they had a tough year previously... Mom and Dad
are feeling this is the year it will all turn around for their students!

I asked a mom of a child with earning issues the other day if she had already contacted the school? Had she scheduled a conference prior to school beginning to make a plan to assist her daughter in improving her performance and lowering her own anxiety & the stress from the previous year. She said she usually waits until the first progress report or report card before I start to " panic". So I asked her "You are choosing then to react rather than act and make a plan to help your child and you from having academic and/or social issues at school?" "I guess so."
she said. Before the end of the session she was asking how to make a
learning plan for her child for the upcoming school year.

If her child had a documented learning issue...which she did, what had been keeping her from working with the school or making a 504 plan for her child? The issues her child has do get in the way of her ability to learn at a "normal" rate. But this mom
was concerned about upsetting the teachers...even though she and her daughter had
spent the last two school years stressed out...affecting not only her daughter at school, but family life and the Mom's marriage. She didn't want to look like a problem parent at school. But after challenging that idea Mom admitted that she really didn't want to admit that her daughter might not become the doctor or lawyer she had dreamed of when she was born...not matter how hard Mom is pushing her o make it happen.

Why react, when you can act? We as parents are willing to spend a small fortune on
getting our children physical school supplies. Why not give our child a plan?
All it will really cost us is our time. Are we really more concerned about upsetting our chidlren's teachers...and willing to set our student up to fail or stress out trying to keep up with work when they have a true disability? We would rather them struggle than admit they have a learning concern not only to the school...but to ourselvies? We would rather go back to school ourselves...working with our student for hours each night, or worse yet, doing the work for them...than to help them learn to cope with their learning issues and move forward with their education? Some parents enjoy the drama...but I suspect most just don't know how
to take the first step in order to make an educaitonal plan for their children.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Fear Being There For Your Child?

2010-08-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

So many times parents bring their children to counselors only
to discover their own issues or likeness to their children in their
formative years. This can lead to good outcomes with all receiving
informtation and tools to assist with their lives. The flip side however is
many times the parent goes into denial only to continue berating the child or blaming others for the child's issues or diagnosis, (ADD,ADHD,Aspergers,etc.).

Our kids don't come with an owner's munual or directions....neither
did we when our parents welcomed us into the world. Somehow
many adults feel such guilt over carrying on genetic traits
that they will run away from help not only for themselves, but
their children as well who are dealing with an increasing fast moving
informational and educational world. This only disables
them further if they have learning or social issues in
addition to denying them a parent who may have traveled down
a similar road as a youth.... who could give them a wonderful model of success
to follow, giving the child strength to deal with life.

Encouragement from our parents along with what we do, (not what we say) are
the most powerful blueprints for our children to follow. If you have a child with
concerns does it make sense to rob them of their most precious resource if you experienced similar issues growing up? Might sharing your experiences and demonstrating to your child help them cope with challenges in life?

Let your children come to you with their struggles and their triumphs, share yours from when you grew up as well. You are your child's best example. Don't run, blame or deny...you will only suffer guilt of not being there for them and deny yourself healing as well.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Forgiveness True Test of Friendship?

2010-08-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

Every now and then even the truest, oldest friendships are tested. Usually
by a misunderstanding or words spoken in haste that of course cannot be
recanted. Other times people get involved and "color" the events and
get in between friends of long standing only to "stir the pot" for their
own entertainment or love of drama.

For most the toughest part of mending fences is actually sitting down with
their friend and hearing their perception of what took place & thinking
about what was going on in their lives at the time of the conflict. Many
times it actually turns out of course that the reality each friend was
going on was totally different from the other. Or....one or both parties were
dealing with events in their lives which may have caused stress and immature
responses to the actual situation which caused the break in the friendship.

Is it better to be right or to forgive? Do you want to win or to be happy?
If you are holding on to bitterness...what is your pay off for doing so? Many
times it takes one to let go of the hurt so that the fences of friendship may
be mended.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Today is a New Chance: Anxiety of Apprehension

2010-06-23T05:38:00.000-07:00

Today is a New Chance: Anxiety of Apprehension

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHCLicensed Mental Health Counselor &Certified K-12 Guidance CounselorLicense #MH9166Phone: 386.747.7148Fax: 407.264.8289www.junderhilltherapy.com

Anxiety of Apprehension

2010-06-23T05:36:00.000-07:00

Worrying about someting coming up in the future? What if it
does or doesn't? I find so many asking themselves. Every day...sometimes during many waking hours people are asking themselves these questions. With that the anxiety begins to build...we become apprehsnive, irritable, frustrated and even angry.

The amount of worry one puts into a problem or a concern does not affect the outcome of course in a positive way. In fact in most cases people are so exhausted by the energy they have put out prior to the event that it effects the end result
negatively as we are running on a "low tank". Many times more issues
can even be created by the anxiety generated by all the worry.

Stress, even good stress is still stress! So in order to approach an upcoming
event in our lives we need to be able to acknowlege and address it is stressing us. Figuring out what works for our stressors is perhaps the most important thing we can do for ourselves. Discovering this allows us to deal with what is coming up in our lives in a more efficent and calm manner. We can make informed decisions, make better choices...if we are not stressing out along the way!

Does listening to music calm you or perhaps a brisk walk? Meditation or yoga are excellent avenues to reduce anxiety and quiet the mind of all the noise
we have created by worrying. Do you feel better after you have talked with a
good friend or enjoyed an evening out? Taking care of yourself will give you
a leg up on whatever you are facing in your life down the line.

Many of us use much negative "self talk" that can also
help increase one's anxiety. When we think of what we are facing
many times we stress ourselves out with words like: "should", "ought", "awful","terrible", "never" and "always". As we do this our anxiety level rises as we go forward not questioning or challenging this negativity we are generating for ourselves. For example if this happens will it really be terrible or just unfortunate? OR who says I should or alway need to do something? Many times just a quick quesion to ourselves can provide relief.

Apprehension about a future event will not CHANGE it! The sun will of course
keeping rising prior to THE DAY no matter how much we concern ourselves about it.
Discover your worry relief activity and utilize it...you deserve it!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Detour of Change

2010-06-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

A change we didn't want that knocks us down is tough...but isn't
accepting the new "view" as an opportunity tougher?
If you only choose to see a change as failure instead of a new
possibility...why try? If we are judged by failures
then fear will be a mantra for life leading
to at the very least a modification if not to
watching our dreams die all together.

With every change or detour we experience in our lives,
comes a lesson. Once the dirt has been dusted off,
our bruised ego healed....aren't we better
for the experience that change brought to us?

"COURAGE doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the
quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try
again tomorrow." (Unknown).

Isn't this where our strength
and faith are truly tested? Every change, ever new
path is truly meant for us to discover more of
our true selves.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

"ADHD World"

2010-05-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

Once again last night on the news a teen takes a gun to school.
Nothing new, right? His Mother in a tearful interview stated her son "has ADHD". My blood starts to boil! How many times have parents, not to mention their children used this as a reason for everything from a speeding ticket to taking weapons to a school? Yes, ADHD is a real concern that so many live & cope with in their everyday lives....but, "come on man"!

We are teaching many children & teens that their "disability" will be their ticket to do just about anything they feel for the rest of their lives. In the classroom they receive accomodations, if financially eligible their families receive money and if they misbehave in the community, many times the courts order free counseling services for them, while putting off any real consequences for their behavior.

Kids & parents...hear this! Once these young people are adults...
having ADHD isn't going to matter, it's not going to fly! If your child robs a bank, if they run a red light, if they shoplift or take a gun into a store and wave it around, as they once did at school....the law, society, or the prison system isn't going to care that in elementary school your little darling was found to have
ADHD!

Seek out help for you child now....through the schools, mental health centers, therapists and churches. There is help out there...many counselors have sliding scales or will help you access free services! Teach your child at home how to cope with his/her ADHD. You are cheating your child or teen if you do anything less! They are going to have to live in the real world...don't let them grow up in artificial "ADHD WORLD".

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Today is a New Chance: Can I Love Too Much?

2010-05-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today is a New Chance: Can I Love Too Much?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHCLicensed Mental Health Counselor &Certified K-12 Guidance CounselorLicense #MH9166Phone: 386.747.7148Fax: 407.264.8289www.junderhilltherapy.com

Can I Love Too Much?

2010-05-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

"Women Who Love Too Much" is one of my favorite books. I use it with clients constantly and I have led book studies on it as well. The other day I had someone ask me... can I really love too much?

If it interferes with your life and another's life, I say a resounding..."Yes!". That is how you will know...if what you are doing is keeping you from reaching your full potential or preventing someone close to you from growing or growing up...then you are loving TOO much!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.714
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Knocked Down or Out?

2009-07-15T04:17:00.000-07:00

Getting knocked down is tough...but isn't
getting back up again the hard part?
If you attempt to make a difference or a change
hitting the ground in failure is always a
possibility. If we are judged by failures
then fear will be our mantra in life leading
to at the very least modification of our
goals and dreams.

With every knockdown we experience in our lives,
comes a lesson. Once the dirt has been dusted off
our bruised behinds and ego....aren't we better
for the experience? Aren't we stronger for getting
up and looking at why we failed as we go forward
to something better.

We just have to keep getting back up...
COURAGE doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the
quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try
again tomorrow." (Unknown).Isn't this where our strength
and faith is truly tested? Every day to get up,
dust ourselves off and try again?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Are you living... today?

2009-07-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Are you spending today doing something you enjoy or with someone you care about? Or are you sitting at home worrying about something you said or did yesterday or thinking about tomorrow?

We forget sometimes that the next day is not guaranteed to any of us....
and yesterday while we can work on the way we look at the past, (therapy?)
...we really cannot change it. As for our future...we can prepare for it, that's true...but other than that worrying about it will NOT change it.
Perhaps spending more time on living today would bring ease to whatever we were spending all of our time worrying about?

We can only do it...not try...but do. Worrying about tomorrow has not doubt
not brought today to you in a positive way. So set a time to worry
if you must...and worry to your heart's content...but as for the rest of today...live it!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Have a Clue? (2nd edition)

2009-06-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Do we really have a clue? Do parents realize thatat age 9-10 today many young girls are hitting puberty? Boys at 10 know about sex? Are we as parents or grandparents aware of how technically"aware" they may be at this age,but they are still naive kids, right? What a dangerous combination this can be.

Just because our children know how to upload a questionable photo of a classmate (who puts it out there not knowing it's there for life), why would they? Does a 6th grader view that any differently than sending the latest gossip on their cellphones to a classmate, much less the entire class? Is a 5th grader who is expelled from school for an angry remark made on a My Space really responsible for a a crime? Our kids are so able to get their hands on such technology that can do such harm or make others feel in danger. Can we hold these children totally responsible?

Having been a guidance counselor for 15 years it is scary to have witnessed how quickly one texted remark can cause a total disruptionof a grade level if not an entire school or neighborhood. Are we adults really "awake" to that possiblity, if not probability? Are we supervising our child's online or cell communications where many times these problems all start right in our homes? Are we willing to risk not being a friend to our child or grandchild in order to protect them and others? They will accuse us of invading their privacy as we try to keep them safe from themselves. Can't we handle that?They may be far ahead of you in technological knowledge...but they are still 11, 12, 13 ....with all those ages bring with it! "Tweens" and teens they are all "doing it"...texting, emailing and hosting their own social networkpages! I think as parents and grandparents we want to believe,well our kids would never! Well folks...not only would they ever.... they most certainly already are! Do you want to take that chance, really? It only takes them a minute to type or text....something they may or may not realize is wrong...but changes their lives forever!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

It's Easy From the Bench

2009-06-22T06:03:00.001-07:00

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." (Theodore Roosevelt)

The Monday morning quarterback, the talking heads on cable news....these
are not we need to admire. The real heroes are those out there in the streets
demanding fairness, the politician making the tough decisions,
(or not making them?) and the every day person going to work so they can support their responsibilities. It is so easy from the sidelines.... isn't it Joe? View Gals? Bill O? It's so easy from the sidelines.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

2009-06-20T04:47:00.000-07:00

Ever thought of a little different twist on "Father's
Day"? Perhaps one that encourages the men we
celebrate to honor the title "Father"? So many
children Sunday will be thinking of a person who
not only isn't there....but doesn't take the time
to be involved in their lives. While there are those who beat
the odds, (President Obama)...most kids, both boys
and girls suffer the impact of an absentee father
throughout their lives.

Is it the genes that make a father or can man
grow into a "Dad"? Fathers many times are excluded
from their childrens' lives after a break up with
Mothers only to fall into oblivion believing perhaps
that it is best for their children in the long run. Nothing
could be further from the truth. Whether their children
are boys or girls....the affect on their self esteem
can be irreversable.

Children will take their cues on relationships from one
of the two first models they have....their fathers. John
Mayer once sang, "Fathers be good to your daughters...daughters
will love like you do..." as do sons. For whatever reason for his
absence a Dad who isn't there in a kid's life sends a message to the child...."you aren't worth it"...a clear stamp on their young hearts.

The journey back to your children if you have been gone is not easy and it can
feel like a roller coaster filled with booby traps at times. But, the end game is
reconnecting with that child and to let them know their worth through their
father's eyes. If you honor your title of "Father", "Dad","Pop".....reach out
this Sunday...forgive yourself and pick up then phone. Being a model of
handling the hard work is such a part being a Father after all.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Taking Care of Ourselves

2009-06-15T06:25:00.001-07:00

Taking Care of Ourselves
We all have times in life when we need help. If we or someone in our family doesn't feel well we call the family doctor.However many times our own mental health is not seenas a priority. If you don't taken care ofyourselves then your family, work/school performanceand overall health may suffer.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Anybody Home?

2009-06-14T05:58:00.001-07:00

You canot lead if you glance behind and
nobody is there. So how do you influence
when no one is listening? Hello?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 386.738.0599
www.junderhilltherapy.com

"Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams" - Author Unknown

What is Normal?

2009-05-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

I heard a person tell another the other day
that due to a set of decisions someone
they knew had made that they thought
they were no longer normal and due to
that idea they weren't going to associate
with them any longer. Not normal? What
is "Normal" anymore?

I am not sure I know the answer. At the risk
of being labeled by many I wondered if what
was normal to a 30ish Hispanic woman would
be normal to a black teenage guy? Or could a middle
age white man possibly know how normal
appeared to a senior citizen living on a fixed income
in a retirement home. Hmmm....maybe it isn't
the color of our skin that dictates our prejudice
in how we see the world ...it is the color of our
"rose colored glasses" .. our own personal
realities that tell us what normal is. Perception
is reality I have heard it said...so once again, what is
normal?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Do We Have A Clue?

2009-05-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

Do we parents really have a clue? Do parents realize that
at age 9-10 today some girls are hitting puberty?
Are we as parents or grandparents aware of how
"aware" they may be, yet with the naivety of a kid
.... our kids really are and how dangerous that
combination can be?

Just because our children can upload a questionable
photo of a classmate (who puts it out there not knowing it's
there for life), should they? Does a 6th grader view it any
differently than sending the latest gossip on their cell
phones to everyone in their class? Is a 5th grader who
is charged and expelled from school for an angry remark
made on their My Space after a tough day responsible for
a crime? Should they be able to get their hands on such
technology that can do such harm or make others feel in
danger? Or do we all feel that doesn't happen to our kids,
in our communities?

Having been a guidance counselor it is scary to know
that one texted remark can cause a total disruption
of a grade level if not an entire school with a school
"rumble" if the adults are not "awake" to that
probability. Are we supervising our child's online
or on cell communications? Are we willing to risk not
being our child's "friend" or willing to be accused of
invading their privacy in order to protect them
from hurting possibly, gee... themselves?
They may be far ahead of you in technological knowledge
...but they are still 11, 12, 13 ....with all those ages bring
with it! "Tweens" and teens they are all "doing it"...
texting, emailing and/or hosting their own social network
pages!

I think as parents and grandparents we want to believe,
well our kids would never....not only would they ever....
probably already are? Want to take that chance, really?
It only takes the time to type or text folks...to
change a life forever!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

As Long As There is Life...

2009-05-19T03:43:00.001-07:00

"As long as there is life there is hope". I don't know who
said that...but there is always a chance as long as you are
breathing. I have for some time recommended that even
in the most stressful times...focus on just
breathing if nothing else. Why?

As long as you breathe....things can change for the better.
If you just breathe in breathe out every minute of every day....circumstances around you can improve and if you are
there you may benefit from the changes. People who are
anxious and clinically depressed are difficult to convince
of this at times. But if they try to breath deeply and evenly
...working on that alone....they will be successful, thus
creating serotonin in the brain.. feeling less anxious
or depressed. The best part is they will be alive....they
will be there, when the sun comes out in their lives again.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Only Short Cuts For Us Today?

2009-05-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

Why are such horrible personal errors bring committed in today's society? Jobs are hard to find and you may need to relocate. Divorce is still available. In fact in most states it is easier and less expensive than ever before. Child custody in most cases is split evenly, so called "shared parenting". While the economy might be a convenient place to foster the blame and the media certainly does that all day every day for many of society's ills. Isn't that way too simplistic? Are job losses and money woes the answer to why we are killing ourselves, our families and our neighbors at an alarming rate?

Is it perhaps the speed with which our world moves today? Can you really get away from video communication, multi media or have you even wanted to? Perhaps it creates a certain type of personal isolation. The generations who have not grown up without some type of computerized or video involvement appear to not know how to deal with real life, as opposed to "reel life" on those very machines or technical outlets that have given them hours of enjoyment and pleasure. Have we become so used to immediate gratification that the impulsively of blowing away our families seems less painful than going through a divorce or moving to a new town to look for a job?

We may need to consider learning social and coping skills to deal with the many trials and tests life can present. It may seem "old school"...but many times you might want to look past where one has been to know where you are going. It is difficult to teach skills to our children when we never have learned them ourselves. How many lives will have to be lost...many of them totally innocent before we discover that technology is not going to teach us everything...and while it is a tremendous tool...it cannot teach anyone how to actually live their lives....everyday...the good and the not so good days. We don't have to die to solve problems, or kill our families or friends. Sometimes it is just as simple as remembering to breathe......then keeping breathing until you can work out a living solution to your temporary problem.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Is Hope Really Eternal?

2009-05-11T05:34:00.000-07:00

To admit you cannot affect change in a situation is the
ultimate feeling of powerlessness. Why even then is one
tempted by ideas and thoughts that rattle around in
the brain...is that hope? Do you ever really lose it
completely, even when you know the battle is over?
You have given it all...left it on the field...and failed.
Perhaps hope really is eternal?

Letting go of something very precious to you is
the hardest thing one will ever do.Wondering if that
precious thing may be hurt by your leaving..
is that the ultimate in arrogance or hope for another
chance? Are you overestimating your own importance ?
Or underestimating perhaps another's less than honest
intentions? How can all involved watch an innocent be
denied their full potential in the process? Their
best, bright hope for their future...

Can tomorrow bring real change when we stop trying
to change it? Can we find an honest peace for a
life we value? Can folks who claim to love accept less
than the best for a little one or a parent? Can
families be totally deaf & blind as to what is ultimately
best for the ones who have the least power ...only to
hurt them calling it love? Why can't people work together
for the "least of these"...the children of divorce, our
parents, or downcast strangers? Why must we be so
resistant to the strengths of others who can come to
the table with benefits for our Mother, our
elderly Aunt or a beloved kid in a custody fight?
Is real love letting go when the child or grandparent
will be torn apart if the fighting continues...is it selfish
to try to preserve one's sanity when reality and perception
are miles apart?

Let go, somebody has to stop the insanity
right? But the light of hope still burns...

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 386.738.0599
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Happy Wish You Weren't Mother's Day?

2009-05-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

"I am done with her" a Mom said as she began our session
with she and her daughter the other day. I asked what she
meant and she basically let both of us know she didn't want
to be her daughter's mother any longer. I told her she really
didn't have than option as her daughter is only 13 and she
looked at me like I had two heads.

Where has the idea come from that young mothers have
a choice once they have had given birth to their children
and not placed them for adoption, or given custody
to someone else early in the child's life? A mom on
Dr. Phil's the other night mentioned just getting through
4-5 more years until the kids turned 18 as her theory on
"parenting" . Where has the message come from that to
mother a child is only biological in nature and
the rest is a spectator sport?

Mother's Day is Sunday. I had a friend whose young
daughter had given custody to her ex spouse as she just
didn't want to parent. She wondered out loud why no one
at work had brought her a mother's day gift as they had
all the other workers there? She decided it was because
she was so young...not thinking that perhaps they
remembered that her mother, ex spouse and his parents
had basically raised her son in her physical and emotional
absence since his birth. She appeared oblivious to that possibility.

If you wish you weren't a mother tomorrow....here are
a few theories for you: You can "fake it 'til you make it"
for your children's sake. No matter what, don't have any
more children for ANY reason. And don't just try, but do
get some professional assistance so you do not raise
another generation of Mothers with no parenting skills.

If you can't do it for yourself...do it for your Mother. It
will be the best gift you could ever possibly give her!
Accept your part as a Mother in parenting your children
....it is a lifetime filled with work, but also a lifetime of joy.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Not Deciding Is a Choice

2009-05-05T04:18:00.000-07:00

"But I just can't make a decision" I heard someone say the
other morning. Do they really think they aren't making a choice? Not deciding on something is making a choice to stay where you are. Others may feel these people aren't choosing at all . But it can actually give the fence rider great power in a situation or cause others around them much frustration. Friends and love ones may feel these non deciders are stuck...what they may not get is the person is wanting to keep the status quo..there are payoffs for things as they are... it is a choice!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

A Talent to Lie

2009-04-28T04:45:00.000-07:00

How do people look into your tearful eyes and
lie? I own a t shirt from one of my favorite television
shows, "House" that says "Everybody Lies"....(ironically
fund raiser for mental health). But.....doesn't
it matter when people lie, how they lie and how often
they lie? Or does it?

Clients lie to me all the time...to make themselves look
like more than they really are...a better father, a more
complete professional or a "bad" teenager. Think how early
little kids learn to lie....saying "I didn't do it" as you catch them
with their hand in the cookie jar. Bill Cosby in his famous
comedy routine "Fatherhood" talks about this....and the
brain damage he feels we as parents must have to
place ourselves in the position of trying to raise children. How do we tell our children not to lie while we lie to them and about them practically every day?

If you ask some one's weight, or age, you can find out quickly
the boundaries of an individuals lying capacity and their
skill at misrepresenting the truth. Is it really is a skill....to be able to look someone in the eye and manipulate the truth while telling them
at the same time how honest you are? Pathologicial lying is seen as a mental illness concern in individuals. So when does it become pathological? Or because we do value this "talent" does that mean over time we find lying becomes normal and accepted as a value we want to pass onto our kids?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Give Me a Reason..Please

2009-04-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

Please give me a reason a client once pleaded ....my marriage is all messed up because of what my wife has done. I have been hurt so much ..it's all her...so give me a reason to come to counseling. He and his wife were in my counseling office I said....not an attorney's office and that was a start. That was enough for this man to come weekly and work on his marriage to his wife of many years during which he realized of course it was not "all on her".

I wonder how many people who are hurting don't pick up the
phone or take advantage of on-line counseling by blaming
their pain on others. By not taking responsibility for at least
part of their problems in life they can mask the pain with
anger and blame. But when the mask melts away then what?
They are alone with their mistakes, baggage and perhaps a
refusal to learn from past experience that keeps jumping up
to bite them in the butt because they won't acknowledge it.
If one doesn't look at and take responsibility for the way they
got to where they are...their destiny can only be a
continuation of their ill fated journey?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Small Towns...Closed Minds...Big Fear?

2009-04-21T04:56:00.000-07:00

Posted the question on Twitter this am....are people who live
in small towns more resistant to on-line counseling? I
received a reply from a Facebook friend stating that he felt
that perhaps those who live in small towns needed
less counseling. When I thought about it I couldn't
help but wonder maybe they are just more afraid
of on-line or any other kinds of counseling?

Growing up and living currently in a small town I am all too aware of how many folks view counseling, therapy and any type of mental health services. They may be suspicious about it, as well having a pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality practically bred into them. Instead of seeking help these same people may have affairs, get divorced, drink too much, eat too much, hit their wives, beat their kids, shoot others in our nation's
offices, colleges and schools or at worst commit suicide, (perhaps taking their loved ones with them) rather than admit they need help. All of these statistics are up unfortunately...and has anyone noticed it is not just going on in the big cities?

It would appear at least on the surface that on-counseling offers these very people an opportunity to obtain guidance to make their lives better
in the privacy of their homes, offices or local free Wi-Fi cafes.
No one will see their car at a local therapist's office or
run into them in a counselor's office building leading them
to come up with an excuse for being there. So are they
avoiding on-line therapy or do they purely fear counseling all together?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Is It Ok to Quit?

2009-04-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine, a Christian counselor often tells clients when
they won't move forward to "quit trying and just do". Many of us are taught to never give up....leave it all on the field....keep trying against all odds.

I was wondering the other day as I watched a good person continue to try 100% as they always do and continuing to hit their head on a wall as they always do.....if it wouldn't be of benefit one to just quit for a while sometimes and surrender to life? I wondered what would happen in this situation if one stopped swimming against a current, that they were not overcoming and took a rest? Would it make any difference at all? Or would quitting perhaps affect change on a situation where change is so desperately needed? It might be what is best but not what they want to have happen at all I thought. A good friend pointed yes but... while you cannot always get what you want, you may get what you need.

This may be true. As I watched this person continue to struggle alone against forces that could neither be controlled or overcome even to to save something most precious to them, I wondered if a rest from the battle fought for so long might be what was needed. Perhaps I wondered against what many of us are taught to believe one should sometimes quit trying and not do...for a while?

Perhaps this time out will give us what we need.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

What Color is Your Zone?

2009-04-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

I was watching a couple of talk shows with the author of the new book "The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who've Lived the Longest", by Dan Buettner . As I understand it the book is about the few places in the world where people live to be 100 in quite large numbers and what they do in each of their lives to reach such a milestone. How people eat, socialize, exercise and view the purpose, (or lack thereof) in their lives, determines how long an individual will live. It is not something one can just fad diet or try out on the weekends...it is a life style that one lives every day. Our routines, our families and our outlook on life it turns out not only determines how we live our lives but for how long.

In our society as it is today....most Americans live in a zone that is anything but blue. Most of us live and work away from our families. We change jobs, cities and friends frequently. We seem to to lust for highs, whether, natural or chemical as opposed to building foundations on family, routine and purpose. I am not sure what color the author would paint the zone that most of us live in...but blue would certainly not be in the color pallet of most American lives.

Perhaps the current financial crisis we are in will actually turn out to be a blessing in the long run as it may force many of us to be closer to home physically, psychologically and nutritionally. If we cannot indulge ourselves in these areas we may reconnect with what is really important and extend our lives here on this earth. Wouldn't that be ironic? Many of us have spent tons of cash and extended credit for years chasing foutains of youth, along with magic diets when all along the simple, inexpensive key to long life was in our back yards! Start your gardens or tend the ones you already have. As Star Trek's Mr. Spock used to say LIVE Long and Prosper!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

...while you're making other plans

2009-04-02T14:52:00.000-07:00

It is a popular saying that life is what happens while you are making other plans. It is the daily, by the minute way that we spend our lives. While the financial economy is tight right now....your daily personal account isfull. How do you spend it....your emotional capital? Do you spend your precious time with those you care about, on your work or worrying aboutthe future, feeling guilty about the past and avoiding the intimacy you really crave?

We all make choices...some turn out well, others not. But other than deathyou can always change your mind. You might have to "eat crow" or goback on something you said. It might cost you emotionally or even financially ...but is your mistake or bad choice working for you?

So if you are unahppy with your decision....why not change it?Is it better to keep being mad at yourself or others because you mighthave made a mistake?If you are waiting on someday to call that best friend you had it out withyears ago, your family member you haven't spoken to in years or to tellyour special someone how important they really are to you.....remember life is now...someday may not ever come. An event you cannot even imagine now could rob you of your time here on this earth to live your life the way you really want to live it. Today is all you have for sure....yours are the only actions you are really in control of. You have the emotional savings account available...spend it...go ahead...it will feel so good!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Why Buy the Cheap Stuff?

2009-04-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

A news reporter on a local station in Central Florida last evening
reported that Americans are buying more alcohol than in previous
times. In addition she reported they are buying the cheaper types
of beer and wine, as opposed to the pricier brands.

Of course being a counselor I immediately thought oh my....with
the times as tough as they are more folks are self medicating
by drinking and if they are buying the cheaper types, they can
buy more....therefore consuming more? Sure enough, the reporter
went on to confirm my fears by stating that people are
buying larger quantities and drinking at home more
often than they have in the past "to save money".

Research over the years have shown that problem drinkers
consume more often at home, in addition to drinking higher
quantities where they consider to be their secret place
to drink....their houses or apartments. While this might be
better for those driving on the roads, or having dinner at our favorite bar/grill, the overall picture painted by this new information is that during these tough economic times we as a country are turning more and more to alcohol to dull the pain in our lives.

There are so many heathier options if you are experiencing tough times in your life. The stresses of daily life can be alleviated by exercise, meditation,
your particular faith (if you have one), by talking to a friend or
even playing your favorite video game. If you are experiencing
problems that cannot be addressed by these outlets...why buy
the cheap stuff? Call a counselor or go online to talk to a therapist!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Just Let Go....

2009-03-30T18:42:00.000-07:00

Is your plate is too full? Is it running over? What would be the worst that could happen if you let something slide off. You have been strong enough to endure the load you have carried...so you can survive the "worst" if it comes. You know you can do it... let something go.

Jodi H. Underhill, MEd., LMHC

2009-03-30T05:03:00.000-07:00

Habits are hard to break....this is not a new idea. Everyday we rely on habits to do everything from our morning routine when start our day to how we drive home from work. These are habits that give us security and peace as we go about our daily lives.

There are habits in the way we treat others or allow them to treat us which are not beneficial to us during our time on this earth. Since we never know when that time with others in our lives may be over...each day is a new opportunity to change habits which may be blocking us from the best possible relationships with those we care about.