Thought in Positivity

Do you wake up feeling fortunate to have another day? Is you outlook postive as you
greet the sun? Or are you dreading the morning as your feet hit the floor...feeling despondent that
you are moving forward into yet one more day of negativity?

Take a closer look...what are your thoughts as you hit the bed at night? When your eyes open
do they do so in gratitude for all you will encounter this day? Are you seeking how
you may serve others or how you may be served? Would you wish to brighten someone
else's day with a kind word or a smile?

Positive thoughts are about being happy, grateful and giving...which leads to the worthwhile. Your mind and heart will abound and brighten your life's travels!








Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

Magic of New Beginnings

Studies show it will take at least three years of grieving in order to begin again. I feel it takes even more time and is very individualized. As long as one isn't hurting themselves or others ... there isn't a reason to know how long emotions connected with losing a loved one may last. One honestly doesn't need to deal with expectations of the number of days.

It is common knowledge that grief comes in stages...if only it were that simple, so
cut and dried. It comes in waves and whispers...at times so obvious and others
quite obscure. It can limit you, yet at the other times protect you from the expectations of
those around you....long enough for you to find yourself again.

One day the grip begins to loosen ... new chances, new relationships and new ways to live start to blossom.. all paramount in navigating tomorrows' paths. Some will become part of you, others will fall away...but all are intriguing and motivating you to move forward in your life journey carrying your loved ones who have gone ahead in your heart to brighten your days.


















Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

Above the Rising Waters

Few things have changed over time with our health care or mental health systems
in our country. Reaction in lieu of prevention continues to plaque us as we deal
(or not) with the mentally ill, as well as most recently, Ebola. There have been other
viruses invading our country for years now, yet our government agencies continue
to wait until we are in a crisis before acting or should I say attempting to do so.

All one has to do each day is look out the window onto most city streets to see our mentally ill
citizens wandering around aimlessly,  looking for money or a meal. Many of these
poor souls are veterans who are war engulfed still in battles we shall never know.
Years ago we abandoned them and preventive measures in favor of current systems
continuing to fail the great majority.

At the bottom of the service chain are the nurses, case workers, clerks and teachers who
man and woman the front lines in dealing with both of these issues. Underpaid, overworked
and not at all well equipped... they compassionately attempt to deal with those afflicted...
while those above them remain blissfully unaware until the waters rise above flood stage.
























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

Do You Really Want It All?

I had a good friend challenge my competitive spirit the other morning. Having always
viewed it as a motivating factor in my life it was an intriguing idea that perhaps
being competitive has actually made my life more difficult. I recall teasing
banter with my hubby, Bill...when he would tell me I couldn't have it all. My
answer would always be of course, "why not"?

We all move so quickly through our lives these days. Communication comes
from all directions and at lightening speed. I wonder many days what I'm really
missing trying to keep up with texts, emails, cable news and my cell phone's
continuous beeps alerting me to calls, voice mails and  calendar additions...do
I really want all this? Do I really need all this?

Whether walking, driving, sitting in my office or at home..unless I turn the sound
off, the bombardment is constant.  Honestly I wonder, does it keep
me from what not too long ago, was important...talking with my adult children,
my friends, listening to music,  hearing the songs of birds outdoors, the sound
of a refreshing rain on my roof or relaxing in a hammock in the back yard
as my pets lay quietly nearby. Are my heart and senses being deprived
in order for my mind to stay plugged in seemingly 24/7?

I have little doubt I missed out on some social media posts, get togethers downtown
and news flashes before I became so busy having it all. I would grumble about how
I wanted to have something or be somewhere, when I found out after the fact
...now it seems I'm constantly making decisions between
people and activities who are all important to me....many times not being
happy with the choices I feel forced to make.

Am I really happier trying to be the best I can be all the time or being
where I feel I have to be? Perhaps being preoccupied with enjoying the
day as it is...the "now", with the sound on my phone turned off might be
really wining it all. Competitive, my friend,
yes...but that as long as it encourages me to question...it's all good! 

 
























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

Fearing Forward

                    As I recovered for weeks from injuries sustained from
       falling off my horse...I could not wait to get back to my mare and out
       on the trails with my friends. It was practically all I could imagine...
       mounting "Chloe", my beautiful Tennessee Walker and  riding off. I hired
       a trainer to work with her gaits, so I could watch, while I healed...hoping
       to keep myself engaged. 
                    Finally the magical day came and my surgeon cleared me.
      I scheduled a trail ride with good friends...and off we went. It felt so wonderful,
      to be moving through the woods on Chloe's back again. She was good and behaved
      as I had expected. It almost felt "normal" again!
                  Then however near the end of the ride Chloe suddenly wouldn't stop,
      in fact, she didn't listen to my hands or my legs...began to whirl, as she had the day I fell. I 
      started to become really scared! The asphalt was right next to the trail we were on and my
      friends had moved out ahead. It was between myself and my FEAR in the form of my
      formally "dead with a heartbeat"horse. I had only been here once in my life, weeks before

      ...and I ended up hurt on the ground.

                  I had to make myself forget the hard surface I really wanted
     to avoid and concentrate on Chloe as she was in that moment, that day, not the horse
     I had known. We were able to straighten out and catch up with our friends...trying to breath
     deeply knowing all the while things had changed. The "normal"
     I had felt no longer existed...the training had worked...she was energized, wanting
     to move out with the others...while I was more timid than ever. 
                   That experience on the trail is there to remind me daily in my new life, without
     my best friend  and late husband, Bill.  The path of my life is clearly changing.
     My heart has responded to the training of the grief and has become energized wanting
     to move forward, while timid and clumsy to new friendships and experiences.
     Obstacles are presenting themselves as they did with Chloe...but this is
     my life today, and I have to learn to navigate it.I remind myself to breathe deeply and deal with 
     the fear so I can catch up with my "new normal".
     


     



























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

"Journey Without Leaving Home"

A Spiritual Journey

And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles,
no matter how long,
but only by a spiritual journey,
a journey of one inch,
very arduous and humbling and joyful,
by which we arrive at the ground at our feet,
and learn to be at home.

~Wendall Berry

 

It has been almost 3 months since I have attended to my blog. In that
time very little new has occurred. But I have "journeyed" far without ever
leaving my little Florida town and my
world has changed so very much.

I had been warned how tough the holidays would be, the New Year
and Bill's birthday...Valentine's Day. My Mother in Law was still
grieving. She refused to eat and developed a blood clot. She went into Hospice care.
People I had hoped would be there for me, even family went back to
their lives of course. But remarkably others whom
I had never expected to be in my life, stepped up and were there... in very big
ways!

Each of the "1sts" as they are called in the "W Club" (Widows & Widowers)
came and passed. While I missed my husband I had supportive friends
and family who surrounded me, I also found the time
alone, not only bearable but refreshing.Yes there have
been and will continue to be lonely days to be sure..way too quiet for
my liking, but here for me to navigate non the less.

Amazingly after Valentine's Day an interesting thing happened. I began to
really value my minutes, hours and days to myself. In fact I have become
quite protective of them. Friends from the past who haven't been a part
of my present want to invade and I find myself building boundaries
that I probably should put there long ago. I'm looking for sincerity in relationships
in place of perhaps numbers which at one time might have been important.

My Mother in Law has recovered. At 93 years of age she is happy
and healthy...wanted to go forward in her life and live it everyday. She
is an inspiration to me, as was her son.

Don't misunderstand...my "big guy" still crosses my mind daily...feel him
pushing me to do certain things as he might have. He had such a big
heart & was so thoughtful...I've never been that kind! Spending my life
with him however made me a better person...and it feels some days like he
is continuing to motivate me.

There is no choice really...but it is refreshing to discover that I can live
without the love of my life....and he would want me to. I can smile,
even though he is no longer in this world...I can live on for myself and
that is OK.

























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

With The TV On

I have often wondered what having bipolar disorder is like. Grieving I am beginning to believe has to be a lot like that, with variations of mood that come and go like the wind. Without much warning a good day can become a sad time or listening to music can dissolve into a "pity party". These "cycles" are temporary, however they effect whatever I am engaged in. Funny we are taught in graduate school, for therapists, that there are stages of grief, predictable, you know. I am finding when one isn't the counselor, like most intense feelings in life...grief is messy and not so organized at all.

The most difficult times are the weekends when my friends "couple up" for various activities and functions. They may kindly send an invite but typically I do not want that "3rd wheel" feeling of tagging along. Bedtime can be tough too...no matter how I try to wear myself out...I find myself all too aware that I am in that king size bed alone, with the TV on, as I no longer have the soft snoring sounds coming from the other side.

I am told to be gentle with myself through these times and I try to be. I find if I am too understanding I can become "stuck" in memories and not move forward with my day. Identifying my grief" triggers" is my goal these days, so that I do not dissolve into sadness in the middle of a holiday event or a time out with friends. Not surprisingly it is easier to be the counselor, than the client.

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944