Perspective Southern Style?

As I sat in Little Rock Arkansas waiting for our oncologist,(my husband's current remission had ended), I couldn't help but be struck by my concern over other issues...my clients, my adult children & grandchildren, my Mother's estate and our finances of course in these tough times. All the things that for so many months had seemed so unimportant to think about as they were part of my daily life. I had basked in it, as it was so close to the "normal", we had experienced prior to my husband's diagnosis of High Risk, Multiple Myeloma/Plasma Leukemia in 2009. For most of 2011 we had become almost a regular couple. Bill, my husband is retired and I am working part time in my small private practice. We were seeing friends again for dinner, planning trips to our small chalet in NC, enjoying our walking horses and looking at getting more serious about kayaking. Not perfect, as I lost my Mother and Bill's Mom was in a nursing home. But, typical things for many people in Florida in our age group!

Now as I was looking once again at a possible long stay away from home(we were here for months last year)...all those things seemed so precious and so far away from the life we were now thrust back into by my husband's disease! Yet, I was also so thankful that we had a place to go that could offer him hope for more time with a decent quality of life. Still this was different...I was so determined before, this time I was sad. I could see due to this short remission length that our circle of "normal" was only going to get smaller as my husband's remissions grew shorter. I didn't want to be here this trip, didn't want to be away from the life we had created since our "nomad" searches for treatment in 2010. Despite the miracles and kindness at MIRT/UAMS I wanted to go home, almost like a child to the place where I feel I can face the realizations of just how precious and short life is. I almost felt like Scarlett wanting to return to "Tara".

Everyone keeps asking how I am holding up? Sad, as I said, wishing it wasn't "What it is". But I am dealing with it, being all my hubby needs me to be. The things I thought about in the waiting room the other day are actually a comfort as they will be there when we return and be taken care of until then. We will once again take up our lives...whatever size that circle of life may be. The doctor says this is "just a bump in the road". For me more like a hill this Florida gal must climb!


Jodi H.Underhill MEd.,LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor;
License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Need A Reaction Update?

When lifes events make major changes in your life, how do
YOU react? Do you blame the heavens, other people or
just curse your bad luck?

Life is full of challenges and everyone has them of one
type or another. How you view each of life's lessons or
your attitude toward what comes with the "new normal" in their
"wake" determines your future and your actions.

Most who visit my office with their concerns demonstrate patterns of belief, attitude or routines that just don't fit
any longer with their present lives. Many people are "stuck"
and looking for someone to pull them out of the "mud". After we work on new strategies to navigate life's hills, curves and construction zones...not to mention the mountains and
bridges, most can view their life's map with renewed confidence
in their ability to navigate what comes.

What about the valley areas that can be so deep? Taking a look
at our belief systems and their outcomes can help us develop our abilities to deal with the lows of life, and like the really good times...they will come...as they are both
parts of life. How we feel about them and react to them makes all the difference.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Divided Families, Divided Child?

Constantly working with families who are not together usually due to divorce, I find there is always in the middle a child or children who only want to love both parents, in addition to the grandparents, aunts, etc. on either side. An there is the tough "nut"...the family "sides", both feeling they know what is best....even perhaps trying to alieninate the other parent by telling the child negatives about them, making thinly veiled threats or manipulating children to the point of emotional abuse.
What is even more upsetting is they do this absolutely certain that they are right and it is in the best interest of their child...or do the just want to win or be right?

What rich lives children could have if coparenting could be
actually done in the truest sense. The adults might put their
"weapons" away to work & even play together for the child's sake. How excited a boy or girl would be to look over while playing their basketball game to see his family members in the crowd, (not neccesarily together)..or hear grandparents calling each other to see if the others would like to come along on a special outing to enrich it for the child or children they all love so much.

But instead of these positive efforts, they threaten the parental rights of the other parent.... try to demonstrate how awful they may be or how attached the child/children are to them by at times purposely manipulating demonstrations of the child's
loyalty at the cost of his or her emotional wellbeing. These kids have enough divided "issues" without their very soul
being torn up any further.





Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311

Ordinary Days

What makes an ordinary day? Your alarm goes off, the coffee maker starts and your house slowly wakes to a new day? Or...is it the people in your sleepy home being there with you or those you will see in short order as you head off to work, retirement activities or school?

If the routines and people you count on every day weren't there..would
it be so ordinary after all? Perhaps the not nearly as special as these
days we take for granted, when all is right with our tiny individual
worlds...just as we expect and those we care about to be.

Many who come for counseling yearn for these ordinary days...when life
doesn't throw curve balls so much or people are there for them to
feel loved and to depend on. Some others yearn for "drama" to ease the pain or dullness of their daily existance.

So if you start days you want & expect them to be each morning....be mindful that they are perhaps "extraordinary" after all. Enjoy that you have your routines, your loved ones and the activities what make your life your own!



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311
http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/61944

Intimacy, Ever?

Dr. Berman, a therapist who has appeared on Oprah many times has a homework assignment to help couples... "Start giving your partner a 10-second kiss at least once a day," Dr. Berman says. "You'll be surprised to see what a difference it makes and how long it feels compared to what you normally do."

Many couples who come to my office are looking to reconect for various reasons...but most are saying finding intimacy again is the most difficult for them. Whether old or young, gay or straight...the feeling of truly being connected with the person they love is the #1 priority couples mention when they visit my office for counseling.

After a short time however it becomes clear if true intimacy is what peope are searching for or primarily the physical part
of it. Many who have been outside their relationship discover that
they are actually afraid of real intimacy, while others discover
that they have never truly experienced it with another person. Still others long for that special "something" they had with their parnter many years ago...intimacy?

For long term couples Dr,. Berman's homework assignment many times
awakens feelings that may have been long in slumber....opening up
communication channels to get acquainted with the person they haven't really known, having been busy with raising families, building careers and facing whatever life has brought them over the years.

It has taken a great deal of time for couples to lose what brought them together. Concentrating on "the kiss" will certainly not bring it all back "in a flash"...but it is truly a great place to begin to discover a way back to each other....or perhaps to each other for the very first time.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Facing Death...How We Live?

Facing your own mortality without faith of some type would appear to be a frightening proposition. I do remember a professor of mine saying once that since we don't recall being fearful before we are born, if it is that same "nothingness" when we die...do we need faith since there is nothing to fear?

My Mother died this past year and on Mother's Day I couldn't help but reflect on her, as well as my own mortality. I attended a service for a dear family friend in the afternoon. She had passed away at age 108...a truly remarkably long and fullfilling life. As I sat listening to the pastor speak of her good works and faith over her many years of life...I wondered if she had not had her faith to sustain her, if it would have been less of a life, than she had lived. I remember her strength, as well as my Mother's in her final days...even though a pastor said Mom was a "timid Christian", (in other words she was afraid of death). Mom and all of us are human,therefore perhaps fearful, and definately not perfect. But hopefully we leave impressions on this earth, during the time we are fortunate enough to spend here, only a meer sparkle in time, and only perhaps a twinkle the hearts of those we love.

I am not a Christian couselor per se....but I choose to have
my faith. It is a choice, after all....as is how
we live.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Finding Your Safe Place

What makes us feel safe? Is it when one of our country's enemies are killed or captured? Is it knowing we have a job & therefore a way to care for our family and ourselves? Or is it internal...something felt within. Having the knowledge you are able to cope with whatever life may throw your way?

I recall a neighbor as a child who built a bomb shelter. They
felt after it's completion that they were prepared if the cold war had escalated to an attack on the USA. This morning the "talking heads" are discussing how one door may have closed for our country...an attempt to make our country feel safer. So many times at the conclusion of therapy clients say they feel better able to cope with stress & attacks on their self esteem. Many in our country feel happy & relieved this morning as a terriorist has been eliminated.

How can you feel safer?

1. Many times you cannot control what happens in life...
only how you react to it. Your values will make a huge
impact on your dealing with issues that come up. If they
are totally inflexible it will many times be harder for
you to tolerate situations in which you may find yourself.

2. Claim what you can control in your life to make
yourself more "fit" physically, emotionally & psychologically.
Working on your body and mind through self help, exercise, classes, groups and counseling to acquire & practice coping skills.

3. Sharing with your children the ability to make good choices
and decisions. Teaching them these skills from a very young age will not only help them feel safer, but lower the stress level of you as a parent knowing you have helped them to be prepared for situaitons they will face.

4. Many put off dealing with people or partcular problem for years.For many making a good plan, a choice and following through on it can revitalize a safety for an indiviudal...do away with a big, gray cloud that has stolen their emotionaly energy.

Safe life travels to you all!


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com