The Blues of the Season

Does the beginning of the holiday season bring dread into your heart? As you
go into the stores and see the decorations going up does it bring tears
to your eyes, rather than a twinkle & a smile?

Many people suffer from seasonal depression, particularly now, between
November-January. For some it is the memories of better days, while
for others the solitary hours that are their daily lives. Still many will tell you
this time of the year has always made them "blue".

The temptation will be there to try to cheer these suffering folks up or get them into the "holiday spirit". Without trying to motivate them, go and be with them instead. When much of the world is in a celebratory mood, you may not understand. But give them an opportunity to tell you their "story". For someone who is surrounded by "blue" instead of the traditional red, brown & gold of this holiday season just being there & hearing them is an incredible, caring gift.




Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Women, Mixed Up In Friendship?

Women friendships are complex in nature. Add children, spouses, or even pets into the "mix" and
it all becomes extremely difficult to navigate. If the friends are opposites, one shy, for example
and one extroverted...perhaps it is easier, as each can use their strengths to make contributions
to the relationship. But if similar in nature...for example both strong willed
and opinionated..even simple situations will be seen as a power struggle...
threatening and misunderstood...leading to hurt feelings, anger and resentment.

Unlike men women do not learn early to compartmentalize unless they are involved in sports
or are raised in a home that does not push the old school female agenda. Boys & men
can separate business from friendship, losing from socializing, while girls and
women not so much! Many women are smashing the glass ceiling professionally these days...
but still haven 't developed the talent or ability to be able to "leave it on the field"...or the office, school, business, etc.....unable to separate feelings from situations in which they find themselves,with the same individuals. Most men can go have a beer after a competition or business debate....while women doing likewise over a glass a wine?  Well, don't think so! More likely most women will will take it home and analyze it only to carry it over well into the next day if not several more to come.

All stereotypical of course...but has honestly observed in many female friendships on any given day. For all of our wonderful female abilities of expression and emotional understanding, women tend to create more "drama" than is ever needed or called for. Mixed up? What do you think?






Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

Treatment Of Security?

As I spend more and more time around cancer patients in treatment...
it becomes ever more apparent they feel safer near their doctors or primary
treatment facilities. For some just being in the same town is
a security lifeline which permits them to live day to day with less anxiety,
fear and concern for their conditions. Ironically for most, even being released
to go "home, home", (real home towns), creates great tension and
apprehension that they will not taken care of or that something will happen
to them while they are back in their own homes with their families.

I spoke with a survivor of breast cancer of many years. She told me that
even for her...she worked in a hospital, and preferred to be at work during
her treatment period as it made her feel more safe. "If something happened,"
she said, "I was in the right place."

Makes you wonder about celebrities, since that is who we hear about ....like
Michael Jackson. Perhaps it isn't the medical treatment they seek as much as
the security of having a medical professional at their beck and call. Even sadder in his case... the doctor may not been there for him medically, or more importantly did not provide the safety and security Michael Jackson may have really been seeking.


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311 http://www.junderhilltherapy.com/

"Pity Party"

Ever wake up and just cannot shake some very powerful
thoughts about your life? Many will call themselves "depressed" or say they need a "mental health day".

Perhaps even before the end of this day or the next, folks tend to begin to sheepishly apologize for taking this time to soothe themselves  or receive what they would like to get from others...attention to "negative feelings" such as sadness, fear, regret, frustration or anger.

I can't help but wonder if people should give ourselves this time more often and make it "OK"? Perhaps we could avoid many of the bigger issues such as anger problems, anxiety disorder or true clinical depression. Many of those concerns stem, though not entirely, from the build up of feelings over time that we tend to deny or push down in order to get through our day to day lives. For many this is becoming tougher all the time.We will not always get from others what we need or feel "heard" therefore building up frustrations. Many feel it is selfish to validate their own feelings, but, perhaps a "pity party" once in a while, might just be an effective "self help" prescription?




Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor/Online Therapy
Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

Perspective Southern Style?

As I sat in Little Rock Arkansas waiting for our oncologist,(my husband's current remission had ended), I couldn't help but be struck by my concern over other issues...my clients, my adult children & grandchildren, my Mother's estate and our finances of course in these tough times. All the things that for so many months had seemed so unimportant to think about as they were part of my daily life. I had basked in it, as it was so close to the "normal", we had experienced prior to my husband's diagnosis of High Risk, Multiple Myeloma/Plasma Leukemia in 2009. For most of 2011 we had become almost a regular couple. Bill, my husband is retired and I am working part time in my small private practice. We were seeing friends again for dinner, planning trips to our small chalet in NC, enjoying our walking horses and looking at getting more serious about kayaking. Not perfect, as I lost my Mother and Bill's Mom was in a nursing home. But, typical things for many people in Florida in our age group!

Now as I was looking once again at a possible long stay away from home(we were here for months last year)...all those things seemed so precious and so far away from the life we were now thrust back into by my husband's disease! Yet, I was also so thankful that we had a place to go that could offer him hope for more time with a decent quality of life. Still this was different...I was so determined before, this time I was sad. I could see due to this short remission length that our circle of "normal" was only going to get smaller as my husband's remissions grew shorter. I didn't want to be here this trip, didn't want to be away from the life we had created since our "nomad" searches for treatment in 2010. Despite the miracles and kindness at MIRT/UAMS I wanted to go home, almost like a child to the place where I feel I can face the realizations of just how precious and short life is. I almost felt like Scarlett wanting to return to "Tara".

Everyone keeps asking how I am holding up? Sad, as I said, wishing it wasn't "What it is". But I am dealing with it, being all my hubby needs me to be. The things I thought about in the waiting room the other day are actually a comfort as they will be there when we return and be taken care of until then. We will once again take up our lives...whatever size that circle of life may be. The doctor says this is "just a bump in the road". For me more like a hill this Florida gal must climb!


Jodi H.Underhill MEd.,LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor;
License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Need A Reaction Update?

When lifes events make major changes in your life, how do
YOU react? Do you blame the heavens, other people or
just curse your bad luck?

Life is full of challenges and everyone has them of one
type or another. How you view each of life's lessons or
your attitude toward what comes with the "new normal" in their
"wake" determines your future and your actions.

Most who visit my office with their concerns demonstrate patterns of belief, attitude or routines that just don't fit
any longer with their present lives. Many people are "stuck"
and looking for someone to pull them out of the "mud". After we work on new strategies to navigate life's hills, curves and construction zones...not to mention the mountains and
bridges, most can view their life's map with renewed confidence
in their ability to navigate what comes.

What about the valley areas that can be so deep? Taking a look
at our belief systems and their outcomes can help us develop our abilities to deal with the lows of life, and like the really good times...they will come...as they are both
parts of life. How we feel about them and react to them makes all the difference.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Divided Families, Divided Child?

Constantly working with families who are not together usually due to divorce, I find there is always in the middle a child or children who only want to love both parents, in addition to the grandparents, aunts, etc. on either side. An there is the tough "nut"...the family "sides", both feeling they know what is best....even perhaps trying to alieninate the other parent by telling the child negatives about them, making thinly veiled threats or manipulating children to the point of emotional abuse.
What is even more upsetting is they do this absolutely certain that they are right and it is in the best interest of their child...or do the just want to win or be right?

What rich lives children could have if coparenting could be
actually done in the truest sense. The adults might put their
"weapons" away to work & even play together for the child's sake. How excited a boy or girl would be to look over while playing their basketball game to see his family members in the crowd, (not neccesarily together)..or hear grandparents calling each other to see if the others would like to come along on a special outing to enrich it for the child or children they all love so much.

But instead of these positive efforts, they threaten the parental rights of the other parent.... try to demonstrate how awful they may be or how attached the child/children are to them by at times purposely manipulating demonstrations of the child's
loyalty at the cost of his or her emotional wellbeing. These kids have enough divided "issues" without their very soul
being torn up any further.





Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311