The Roller Coaster, Would I Rather Be Off?

Reading my favorite daily blogs and reviewing some FB posts this am I ran
across something that while initially making me angry made me stop
and take another look at the tides that we all deal with in life. Whether
it is in a relationship, our career or a disease, we all experience ups
and downs that come with being human.

In counseling I remind clients quite often that it is the perspective
of their view occurring in their daily travels that will determine  
how they feel. The color of the glasses they see events through
or what they say to themselves, ("self talk") make such
a difference..."therapist speak"!

An article referenced on Facebook, talked about how patients create their
own highs and lows on the cancer roller coaster by hope. Now
by thinking something new might not help...or yet that a remission wouldn't
last long time was not something I wanted to consider. While it
can be incredibly tough on us those who are on the MM ride, not
to mention the patient,  it is also something that binds us together in a mutual
understanding of our daily experiences.

I thought the person putting this on a Facebook page was being cruel
 initially. But to my surprise as the  day wore on (and it was one of those wearing days)
...I began to feel differently and even treasure the valley, ( I admit it has looked
mighty deep at times, as for most caregivers) Instead of the
journal's idea that we should just accept  an end of our MM journey after a certain
amount of time, regardless of the treatment,  the ups and downs of our roller coaster
ride looked pretty sweet after all. I like the "hope" perspective!

As a therapist I do believe in the view of our time here on earth, as well
as what we tell ourselves about it, whether it is from
the mountain or the valley. Kahlil Gibran once wrote:
"He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy."
 



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.747.7148

Birth Order or "Changes in Lattitude, Changes in Attitude"?

So much is written about birth order and how it affects our development. The changes, over time, in the families can go  unexamined or the genetic predispositions not considered enough.
What has been given a lot of print however is whether one is born first, middle or last.

I often wonder how for example, siblings, close in age, from
the same family can turn out so differently? Or two born
years apart can be so similar or in other situations turn out
like parent and child. The relationships affect many times
how each handles life or if either receives support from
the other to handle life's challenges.

Many parents come to my office with similar questions...how can
the children they gave birth to be so different? One does exactly as
they are asked by parents and teachers....does so well in school and the other, well ... just the opposite! How can it be? Parents will
ask me, desperate it appears for a simple viewpoint from me that they can then easily fix. Or as I experienced this past year, the last parent dies and the middle aged siblings who hardly know each
other as adults, perhaps, are thrown together to deliver what
is left of their family's legacy to their children. The perspective
sure changes from the one held earlier in life.

So much can affect how we develop and how we will act as the adults into which we grow. No simple answers, or easy solutions. Acceptance of others, as they are and how they may view the world around them...may lead to understanding that they are so much alike, but allow for big differences...even in siblings.

As is typical it brings me back to my husband's battle with myeloma...how people affected with this same "hand"deal with
it differently and if birth order affects that as well. I am the baby of the family and while well educated, trained as a counselor, allowed to be athletic before it was popular. Things always came too easily for me or were a given. I was blessed with fair intelligence, overindulgent parents... I was adopted I was the "chosen child"....spoiled rotten, you get the picture! Due to that, I wonder, if I am going to continue to be strong enough, as the storm winds of my husband's terminal disease start to blow at at speed that even the very best of medical science cannot lower for very long. I tend to grade myself on how I am doing as a caretaker ... knowing professionally what a wrong turn on this path we are on that is.

So like everyone else I wonder how positions, birth or otherwise in our family affects how we deal with the ultimate adversities. Or does it matter at all? Research has shown both genetics and environment have such an effect on perspective in daily life, but what about with great challenges? Change comes almost daily with this disease. I have always viewed myself as quite flexible. My favorite type of counseling is working with those in crisis. But instead, I find myself on a long roller coaster ride, sometimes almost daily. I am starting to try to apply the brakes only to find unlike where my big guy and I were years ago on this journey...the feelings of having any control over where we are going have changed so much with our  position on this ride.
















Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Peanut Butter Pie

As a caretaker of a multiple myeloma patient, my hubby, I am always looking for
information to help my "Big Guy" battle his constant companion. Currently he
has had a tough time, losing weight & feeling poorly. A nurse at his local oncologist's
office told me about a frozen p'nut butter pie I could make him....full of calories,
fat and protein which he currently needs so much!

As a mental health counselor I am consistently giving out "recipes" to clients to
help them with the issues they enter my physical or online "virtual" office with.
I have felt confident that I am helping them to to have more of a map
to follow that will improve how they feel navigating their
daily lives.I feel I am giving them something they can actually DO...take
away from our counseling session to start right away make things
better.

Many times I suggest journaling as a simple way to deal with the daily stresses
that come. Like the pie idea the nurse gave me with such enthusiasm,
I encourage my clients that this will give them motivation, inspiration and a
place to vent...all things that they need so much!

So I left the oncologist's office...ran to Publix, (Florida supermarket chain), bought
the ingredients and ran home to make my hubby the pie that would help give
his body what it needed to improve. I was so glad I could actually be doing
something to make things better...since so many times as a caretaker I feel
helpless as he fights his battle against multiple myeloma. I put the pie
in the freezer, waited a bit and gave it to my husband to try...he liked
it, and like "Mikey" in the cereal commercial years ago...with Bill, finding
something good for him, he likes isn't easy!

But of course after a couple of days...while the pie is still being consumed and
hopefully putting weight on my guy...all the other issues surrounding having
cancer are still there. We will be returning to Little Rock to see his specialist
for his MM to be re-staged as his myeloma markers have increased, with
the disease doing it's best to make a big come back.

My clients must wonder after a few days of journaling that while they
may have a place to vent, and may even be feeling a bit better...
"did my counselor really think it was going to be this easy for me
to get control of my life again." Because I know as my hubby's caretaker,
as we prepare for another round of testing and looking at treatment options
...I am thinking..."if only it were all as easy as making a peanut butter pie."














Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

What Are You Looking For Today?

I wonder what folks really want to see in a blog from a small town therapist?
Many times parts of this blog get "re-tweeted" or quoted on Facebook.
But I often wonder why was it important to that person? What is the story of
someone who chose to share my words?

What do people really want online? Motivation? Inspiration? A place to vent?
If I look at my insights on my FB business page the largest audience is usually
for an uplifting quote, an article about positive thinking or physical fitness....
many times, followers on FB or Twitter, respond to my life as a caretaker of
an multiple myeloma spouse or for tips on how to balance one's daily world.
Most popular of all no doubt are the lines shared about success and love!

What are you looking for today? I would really like to hear you!


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC#MH9166Phone: 386.747.7148

Too Much Padding?

Risking sounding like generations before mine, I am beginning to wonder how we survived our younger years. We rode our skateboards without protection of helmets or pads of any kind, as we did our bikes, played outside for hours, probably without proper hydration & many times without parental supervision, went trick or treating with other kids, and many times definitely ate the wrong things in combination on the food nutrition wheel.

Educationally, both life and academically, things were really different too from today! We were encouraged to succeed, but allowed to fail. We pursued our passions, but if we weren't good enough, we didn't make the team. When we were disappointed by life, our parents teachers, scout leaders, pastors or coaches were there to encourage and help us learn from the experience. We were not shielded from failure, nor made to feel it was not our responsibility
in some way to deal with it & accept it as part of life.

I don't remember excuses being made, nor so many "quick fixes" being out there. I also don't recall so many children on medication, or adults for that matter to make then able to deal with daily life! Once grown if people could not deal with their spouses or children they found ways of dealing with it, that while certainly not perfect, were far from the permanent solutions many families choose today that we see splashed all over the media. Perhaps one of the reason we cannot deal with our concerns as adults is because we received too much "padding" as children and were therefore "shielded" from learning the life skills to enable us to weather the storms of life as we move forward?







Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148Fax: 386.837.4311

Knowing Yourself, Again?

I hear many say as they age they become wiser or more
in tune with the universe, etc. I am finding I am becoming
more of myself. Anyone else feel this way?

When I was young I was a very good athlete...before it
was popular for a girl to even play sports...particularly
to compete with the boys or to be good enough to
keep up with them on a sports field of any kind! I could
throw a knuckle ball or kick a field goal...pretty good
little guard in basketball as well. Liked tennis too...but
was only encouraged at summer camp in NC. My Mom
tried her best to not have anyone know I could play at
all! She relented with a basketball hoop finally, but I
have little doubt she told people in our little Florida town
that it belonged to my big brother.

In my teens played alot of softball, rode horses and
coached girls' basketball & softball. I was a pretty
fair coach and really enjoyed it! Many around me
encouraged me to go into coaching...once again the times
and my Mother discouraged this direction, (wanted to be
Pat Summit).However, from coaching I had accumulated a desire for counseling teens. So with that talent in hand I headed to Stetson University, the University of Georgia & the University of Florida to collect the credentials I needed to become a counselor
and therapist....for many years I did just that, working with individuals, teens & families in schools, my office and now as an online therapist.

Recently I became semi retired to care for my husband who
has  terminal cancer....it is treatable and so we are enjoying as much time as we will be allowed to have together. As I move
through the "golden" years with some time to spend for the first time in many decades, I am rediscovering the love I had for
helping others and sports, which while I never lost it...I had
not had as much time for during the years of having a young
family, working, caring for aging parents and so on. I looked in
the mirror the other day and along with the "character" lines that come with age...I saw myself again. Even more I know now Mother, who I lost this past year, would approve.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Happy New Ending!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Maria Robinson

Our past is always there and for so many of us it deters or inspires us

as we go about our daily lives. Since we can't change what has happened to us perhaps making

choices to help reach destinations more to our liking is the way to go. Our individual

journeys are after all a combination of our choices along the way.

But how you might say? Our past is our past ... yes, but how we chose to view it or

allow it to affect us is the key. It really is a choice after all....even for

those who have experienced horrific things...not reaching out to for help is

a decision made, therefore letting the trauma continue to disrupt a life, many times

years after the occurrence. Not letting go of a lesser but painful hurt or disappointment is a negative

wall to the one holding on, as is not forgiving one who has caused you pain. Letting "downer" tapes

or "self talk" keep playing in your head is possibly keeping you from reaching many of

the goals you want to reach or finding the life you have been wanting.

Where do you want to end up? What goals do you to reach in 2012? You CAN change

the ending point, the future...but it is after all up to you!

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor Florida License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Email: jhumhc@gmail.com
http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/61944