Perspective Southern Style?

As I sat in Little Rock Arkansas waiting for our oncologist,(my husband's current remission had ended), I couldn't help but be struck by my concern over other issues...my clients, my adult children & grandchildren, my Mother's estate and our finances of course in these tough times. All the things that for so many months had seemed so unimportant to think about as they were part of my daily life. I had basked in it, as it was so close to the "normal", we had experienced prior to my husband's diagnosis of High Risk, Multiple Myeloma/Plasma Leukemia in 2009. For most of 2011 we had become almost a regular couple. Bill, my husband is retired and I am working part time in my small private practice. We were seeing friends again for dinner, planning trips to our small chalet in NC, enjoying our walking horses and looking at getting more serious about kayaking. Not perfect, as I lost my Mother and Bill's Mom was in a nursing home. But, typical things for many people in Florida in our age group!

Now as I was looking once again at a possible long stay away from home(we were here for months last year)...all those things seemed so precious and so far away from the life we were now thrust back into by my husband's disease! Yet, I was also so thankful that we had a place to go that could offer him hope for more time with a decent quality of life. Still this was different...I was so determined before, this time I was sad. I could see due to this short remission length that our circle of "normal" was only going to get smaller as my husband's remissions grew shorter. I didn't want to be here this trip, didn't want to be away from the life we had created since our "nomad" searches for treatment in 2010. Despite the miracles and kindness at MIRT/UAMS I wanted to go home, almost like a child to the place where I feel I can face the realizations of just how precious and short life is. I almost felt like Scarlett wanting to return to "Tara".

Everyone keeps asking how I am holding up? Sad, as I said, wishing it wasn't "What it is". But I am dealing with it, being all my hubby needs me to be. The things I thought about in the waiting room the other day are actually a comfort as they will be there when we return and be taken care of until then. We will once again take up our lives...whatever size that circle of life may be. The doctor says this is "just a bump in the road". For me more like a hill this Florida gal must climb!


Jodi H.Underhill MEd.,LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor;
License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148