I Can't Hear You?

 
I can't hear you??? I recall a comedic skit as a kid,
with a Sergeant yelling this at his platoon. I think of my
clients who work claim they hear, only to discover
through therapy how to truly listen.


The past two weeks I have had ear issues, where it
is like trying to get what someone is saying
through a waterfall. I can't help but wonder
how many feel listen like this, in a figurative way 
each day. Through their own " flow"
they hear their family, coworkers and the world
in general...making responses based on
what they have taken in, distorted by their
own individual listening waves.

One of my hubby's medications 
 practically prevent him from hearing at all.
He is so energetic, all he wants to do
is talk. He is like the energizer bunny in the
battery commercials, both physically &
verbally...moving constantly, talking,
as he goes. I have to admit, I feel relieved
at times, when one of his buddies calls or
stops by so they can listen to his stories,
he tells over and over again...practically,
without taking a breath.

I wonder how many of you have friends like
that? They come, tell you their "story" for
the day and then as you are beginning to
share, they appear to either not hear you,
or respond to you in ways that make
you wonder what they just heard.
Or do you at times think  "did they hear me at all"?









Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor
 #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

The Roller Coaster, Would I Rather Be Off?

Reading my favorite daily blogs and reviewing some FB posts this am I ran
across something that while initially making me angry made me stop
and take another look at the tides that we all deal with in life. Whether
it is in a relationship, our career or a disease, we all experience ups
and downs that come with being human.

In counseling I remind clients quite often that it is the perspective
of their view occurring in their daily travels that will determine  
how they feel. The color of the glasses they see events through
or what they say to themselves, ("self talk") make such
a difference..."therapist speak"!

An article referenced on Facebook, talked about how patients create their
own highs and lows on the cancer roller coaster by hope. Now
by thinking something new might not help...or yet that a remission wouldn't
last long time was not something I wanted to consider. While it
can be incredibly tough on us those who are on the MM ride, not
to mention the patient,  it is also something that binds us together in a mutual
understanding of our daily experiences.

I thought the person putting this on a Facebook page was being cruel
 initially. But to my surprise as the  day wore on (and it was one of those wearing days)
...I began to feel differently and even treasure the valley, ( I admit it has looked
mighty deep at times, as for most caregivers) Instead of the
journal's idea that we should just accept  an end of our MM journey after a certain
amount of time, regardless of the treatment,  the ups and downs of our roller coaster
ride looked pretty sweet after all. I like the "hope" perspective!

As a therapist I do believe in the view of our time here on earth, as well
as what we tell ourselves about it, whether it is from
the mountain or the valley. Kahlil Gibran once wrote:
"He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy."
 



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.747.7148

Birth Order or "Changes in Lattitude, Changes in Attitude"?

So much is written about birth order and how it affects our development. The changes, over time, in the families can go  unexamined or the genetic predispositions not considered enough.
What has been given a lot of print however is whether one is born first, middle or last.

I often wonder how for example, siblings, close in age, from
the same family can turn out so differently? Or two born
years apart can be so similar or in other situations turn out
like parent and child. The relationships affect many times
how each handles life or if either receives support from
the other to handle life's challenges.

Many parents come to my office with similar questions...how can
the children they gave birth to be so different? One does exactly as
they are asked by parents and teachers....does so well in school and the other, well ... just the opposite! How can it be? Parents will
ask me, desperate it appears for a simple viewpoint from me that they can then easily fix. Or as I experienced this past year, the last parent dies and the middle aged siblings who hardly know each
other as adults, perhaps, are thrown together to deliver what
is left of their family's legacy to their children. The perspective
sure changes from the one held earlier in life.

So much can affect how we develop and how we will act as the adults into which we grow. No simple answers, or easy solutions. Acceptance of others, as they are and how they may view the world around them...may lead to understanding that they are so much alike, but allow for big differences...even in siblings.

As is typical it brings me back to my husband's battle with myeloma...how people affected with this same "hand"deal with
it differently and if birth order affects that as well. I am the baby of the family and while well educated, trained as a counselor, allowed to be athletic before it was popular. Things always came too easily for me or were a given. I was blessed with fair intelligence, overindulgent parents... I was adopted I was the "chosen child"....spoiled rotten, you get the picture! Due to that, I wonder, if I am going to continue to be strong enough, as the storm winds of my husband's terminal disease start to blow at at speed that even the very best of medical science cannot lower for very long. I tend to grade myself on how I am doing as a caretaker ... knowing professionally what a wrong turn on this path we are on that is.

So like everyone else I wonder how positions, birth or otherwise in our family affects how we deal with the ultimate adversities. Or does it matter at all? Research has shown both genetics and environment have such an effect on perspective in daily life, but what about with great challenges? Change comes almost daily with this disease. I have always viewed myself as quite flexible. My favorite type of counseling is working with those in crisis. But instead, I find myself on a long roller coaster ride, sometimes almost daily. I am starting to try to apply the brakes only to find unlike where my big guy and I were years ago on this journey...the feelings of having any control over where we are going have changed so much with our  position on this ride.
















Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944

























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Peanut Butter Pie

As a caretaker of a multiple myeloma patient, my hubby, I am always looking for
information to help my "Big Guy" battle his constant companion. Currently he
has had a tough time, losing weight & feeling poorly. A nurse at his local oncologist's
office told me about a frozen p'nut butter pie I could make him....full of calories,
fat and protein which he currently needs so much!

As a mental health counselor I am consistently giving out "recipes" to clients to
help them with the issues they enter my physical or online "virtual" office with.
I have felt confident that I am helping them to to have more of a map
to follow that will improve how they feel navigating their
daily lives.I feel I am giving them something they can actually DO...take
away from our counseling session to start right away make things
better.

Many times I suggest journaling as a simple way to deal with the daily stresses
that come. Like the pie idea the nurse gave me with such enthusiasm,
I encourage my clients that this will give them motivation, inspiration and a
place to vent...all things that they need so much!

So I left the oncologist's office...ran to Publix, (Florida supermarket chain), bought
the ingredients and ran home to make my hubby the pie that would help give
his body what it needed to improve. I was so glad I could actually be doing
something to make things better...since so many times as a caretaker I feel
helpless as he fights his battle against multiple myeloma. I put the pie
in the freezer, waited a bit and gave it to my husband to try...he liked
it, and like "Mikey" in the cereal commercial years ago...with Bill, finding
something good for him, he likes isn't easy!

But of course after a couple of days...while the pie is still being consumed and
hopefully putting weight on my guy...all the other issues surrounding having
cancer are still there. We will be returning to Little Rock to see his specialist
for his MM to be re-staged as his myeloma markers have increased, with
the disease doing it's best to make a big come back.

My clients must wonder after a few days of journaling that while they
may have a place to vent, and may even be feeling a bit better...
"did my counselor really think it was going to be this easy for me
to get control of my life again." Because I know as my hubby's caretaker,
as we prepare for another round of testing and looking at treatment options
...I am thinking..."if only it were all as easy as making a peanut butter pie."














Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311