How do people look into your tearful eyes and
lie? I own a t shirt from one of my favorite television
shows, "House" that says "Everybody Lies"....(ironically
fund raiser for mental health). But.....doesn't
it matter when people lie, how they lie and how often
they lie? Or does it?
Clients lie to me all the time...to make themselves look
like more than they really are...a better father, a more
complete professional or a "bad" teenager. Think how early
little kids learn to lie....saying "I didn't do it" as you catch them
with their hand in the cookie jar. Bill Cosby in his famous
comedy routine "Fatherhood" talks about this....and the
brain damage he feels we as parents must have to
place ourselves in the position of trying to raise children. How do we tell our children not to lie while we lie to them and about them practically every day?
If you ask some one's weight, or age, you can find out quickly
the boundaries of an individuals lying capacity and their
skill at misrepresenting the truth. Is it really is a skill....to be able to look someone in the eye and manipulate the truth while telling them
at the same time how honest you are? Pathologicial lying is seen as a mental illness concern in individuals. So when does it become pathological? Or because we do value this "talent" does that mean over time we find lying becomes normal and accepted as a value we want to pass onto our kids?
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
DeLand, Florida Counseling Office and Sunshine State Online Therapy/Coaching/Consultation/Advocacy
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Give Me a Reason..Please
Please give me a reason a client once pleaded ....my marriage is all messed up because of what my wife has done. I have been hurt so much ..it's all her...so give me a reason to come to counseling. He and his wife were in my counseling office I said....not an attorney's office and that was a start. That was enough for this man to come weekly and work on his marriage to his wife of many years during which he realized of course it was not "all on her".
I wonder how many people who are hurting don't pick up the
phone or take advantage of on-line counseling by blaming
their pain on others. By not taking responsibility for at least
part of their problems in life they can mask the pain with
anger and blame. But when the mask melts away then what?
They are alone with their mistakes, baggage and perhaps a
refusal to learn from past experience that keeps jumping up
to bite them in the butt because they won't acknowledge it.
If one doesn't look at and take responsibility for the way they
got to where they are...their destiny can only be a
continuation of their ill fated journey?
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
I wonder how many people who are hurting don't pick up the
phone or take advantage of on-line counseling by blaming
their pain on others. By not taking responsibility for at least
part of their problems in life they can mask the pain with
anger and blame. But when the mask melts away then what?
They are alone with their mistakes, baggage and perhaps a
refusal to learn from past experience that keeps jumping up
to bite them in the butt because they won't acknowledge it.
If one doesn't look at and take responsibility for the way they
got to where they are...their destiny can only be a
continuation of their ill fated journey?
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Small Towns...Closed Minds...Big Fear?
Posted the question on Twitter this am....are people who live
in small towns more resistant to on-line counseling? I
received a reply from a Facebook friend stating that he felt
that perhaps those who live in small towns needed
less counseling. When I thought about it I couldn't
help but wonder maybe they are just more afraid
of on-line or any other kinds of counseling?
Growing up and living currently in a small town I am all too aware of how many folks view counseling, therapy and any type of mental health services. They may be suspicious about it, as well having a pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality practically bred into them. Instead of seeking help these same people may have affairs, get divorced, drink too much, eat too much, hit their wives, beat their kids, shoot others in our nation's
offices, colleges and schools or at worst commit suicide, (perhaps taking their loved ones with them) rather than admit they need help. All of these statistics are up unfortunately...and has anyone noticed it is not just going on in the big cities?
It would appear at least on the surface that on-counseling offers these very people an opportunity to obtain guidance to make their lives better
in the privacy of their homes, offices or local free Wi-Fi cafes.
No one will see their car at a local therapist's office or
run into them in a counselor's office building leading them
to come up with an excuse for being there. So are they
avoiding on-line therapy or do they purely fear counseling all together?
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
in small towns more resistant to on-line counseling? I
received a reply from a Facebook friend stating that he felt
that perhaps those who live in small towns needed
less counseling. When I thought about it I couldn't
help but wonder maybe they are just more afraid
of on-line or any other kinds of counseling?
Growing up and living currently in a small town I am all too aware of how many folks view counseling, therapy and any type of mental health services. They may be suspicious about it, as well having a pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality practically bred into them. Instead of seeking help these same people may have affairs, get divorced, drink too much, eat too much, hit their wives, beat their kids, shoot others in our nation's
offices, colleges and schools or at worst commit suicide, (perhaps taking their loved ones with them) rather than admit they need help. All of these statistics are up unfortunately...and has anyone noticed it is not just going on in the big cities?
It would appear at least on the surface that on-counseling offers these very people an opportunity to obtain guidance to make their lives better
in the privacy of their homes, offices or local free Wi-Fi cafes.
No one will see their car at a local therapist's office or
run into them in a counselor's office building leading them
to come up with an excuse for being there. So are they
avoiding on-line therapy or do they purely fear counseling all together?
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Friday, April 17, 2009
Is It Ok to Quit?
A good friend of mine, a Christian counselor often tells clients when
they won't move forward to "quit trying and just do". Many of us are taught to never give up....leave it all on the field....keep trying against all odds.
I was wondering the other day as I watched a good person continue to try 100% as they always do and continuing to hit their head on a wall as they always do.....if it wouldn't be of benefit one to just quit for a while sometimes and surrender to life? I wondered what would happen in this situation if one stopped swimming against a current, that they were not overcoming and took a rest? Would it make any difference at all? Or would quitting perhaps affect change on a situation where change is so desperately needed? It might be what is best but not what they want to have happen at all I thought. A good friend pointed yes but... while you cannot always get what you want, you may get what you need.
This may be true. As I watched this person continue to struggle alone against forces that could neither be controlled or overcome even to to save something most precious to them, I wondered if a rest from the battle fought for so long might be what was needed. Perhaps I wondered against what many of us are taught to believe one should sometimes quit trying and not do...for a while?
Perhaps this time out will give us what we need.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
they won't move forward to "quit trying and just do". Many of us are taught to never give up....leave it all on the field....keep trying against all odds.
I was wondering the other day as I watched a good person continue to try 100% as they always do and continuing to hit their head on a wall as they always do.....if it wouldn't be of benefit one to just quit for a while sometimes and surrender to life? I wondered what would happen in this situation if one stopped swimming against a current, that they were not overcoming and took a rest? Would it make any difference at all? Or would quitting perhaps affect change on a situation where change is so desperately needed? It might be what is best but not what they want to have happen at all I thought. A good friend pointed yes but... while you cannot always get what you want, you may get what you need.
This may be true. As I watched this person continue to struggle alone against forces that could neither be controlled or overcome even to to save something most precious to them, I wondered if a rest from the battle fought for so long might be what was needed. Perhaps I wondered against what many of us are taught to believe one should sometimes quit trying and not do...for a while?
Perhaps this time out will give us what we need.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Monday, April 13, 2009
What Color is Your Zone?
I was watching a couple of talk shows with the author of the new book "The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who've Lived the Longest", by Dan Buettner . As I understand it the book is about the few places in the world where people live to be 100 in quite large numbers and what they do in each of their lives to reach such a milestone. How people eat, socialize, exercise and view the purpose, (or lack thereof) in their lives, determines how long an individual will live. It is not something one can just fad diet or try out on the weekends...it is a life style that one lives every day. Our routines, our families and our outlook on life it turns out not only determines how we live our lives but for how long.
In our society as it is today....most Americans live in a zone that is anything but blue. Most of us live and work away from our families. We change jobs, cities and friends frequently. We seem to to lust for highs, whether, natural or chemical as opposed to building foundations on family, routine and purpose. I am not sure what color the author would paint the zone that most of us live in...but blue would certainly not be in the color pallet of most American lives.
Perhaps the current financial crisis we are in will actually turn out to be a blessing in the long run as it may force many of us to be closer to home physically, psychologically and nutritionally. If we cannot indulge ourselves in these areas we may reconnect with what is really important and extend our lives here on this earth. Wouldn't that be ironic? Many of us have spent tons of cash and extended credit for years chasing foutains of youth, along with magic diets when all along the simple, inexpensive key to long life was in our back yards! Start your gardens or tend the ones you already have. As Star Trek's Mr. Spock used to say LIVE Long and Prosper!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
In our society as it is today....most Americans live in a zone that is anything but blue. Most of us live and work away from our families. We change jobs, cities and friends frequently. We seem to to lust for highs, whether, natural or chemical as opposed to building foundations on family, routine and purpose. I am not sure what color the author would paint the zone that most of us live in...but blue would certainly not be in the color pallet of most American lives.
Perhaps the current financial crisis we are in will actually turn out to be a blessing in the long run as it may force many of us to be closer to home physically, psychologically and nutritionally. If we cannot indulge ourselves in these areas we may reconnect with what is really important and extend our lives here on this earth. Wouldn't that be ironic? Many of us have spent tons of cash and extended credit for years chasing foutains of youth, along with magic diets when all along the simple, inexpensive key to long life was in our back yards! Start your gardens or tend the ones you already have. As Star Trek's Mr. Spock used to say LIVE Long and Prosper!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Thursday, April 2, 2009
...while you're making other plans
It is a popular saying that life is what happens while you are making other plans. It is the daily, by the minute way that we spend our lives. While the financial economy is tight right now....your daily personal account isfull. How do you spend it....your emotional capital? Do you spend your precious time with those you care about, on your work or worrying aboutthe future, feeling guilty about the past and avoiding the intimacy you really crave?
We all make choices...some turn out well, others not. But other than deathyou can always change your mind. You might have to "eat crow" or goback on something you said. It might cost you emotionally or even financially ...but is your mistake or bad choice working for you?
So if you are unahppy with your decision....why not change it?Is it better to keep being mad at yourself or others because you mighthave made a mistake?If you are waiting on someday to call that best friend you had it out withyears ago, your family member you haven't spoken to in years or to tellyour special someone how important they really are to you.....remember life is now...someday may not ever come. An event you cannot even imagine now could rob you of your time here on this earth to live your life the way you really want to live it. Today is all you have for sure....yours are the only actions you are really in control of. You have the emotional savings account available...spend it...go ahead...it will feel so good!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
We all make choices...some turn out well, others not. But other than deathyou can always change your mind. You might have to "eat crow" or goback on something you said. It might cost you emotionally or even financially ...but is your mistake or bad choice working for you?
So if you are unahppy with your decision....why not change it?Is it better to keep being mad at yourself or others because you mighthave made a mistake?If you are waiting on someday to call that best friend you had it out withyears ago, your family member you haven't spoken to in years or to tellyour special someone how important they really are to you.....remember life is now...someday may not ever come. An event you cannot even imagine now could rob you of your time here on this earth to live your life the way you really want to live it. Today is all you have for sure....yours are the only actions you are really in control of. You have the emotional savings account available...spend it...go ahead...it will feel so good!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Why Buy the Cheap Stuff?
A news reporter on a local station in Central Florida last evening
reported that Americans are buying more alcohol than in previous
times. In addition she reported they are buying the cheaper types
of beer and wine, as opposed to the pricier brands.
Of course being a counselor I immediately thought oh my....with
the times as tough as they are more folks are self medicating
by drinking and if they are buying the cheaper types, they can
buy more....therefore consuming more? Sure enough, the reporter
went on to confirm my fears by stating that people are
buying larger quantities and drinking at home more
often than they have in the past "to save money".
Research over the years have shown that problem drinkers
consume more often at home, in addition to drinking higher
quantities where they consider to be their secret place
to drink....their houses or apartments. While this might be
better for those driving on the roads, or having dinner at our favorite bar/grill, the overall picture painted by this new information is that during these tough economic times we as a country are turning more and more to alcohol to dull the pain in our lives.
There are so many heathier options if you are experiencing tough times in your life. The stresses of daily life can be alleviated by exercise, meditation,
your particular faith (if you have one), by talking to a friend or
even playing your favorite video game. If you are experiencing
problems that cannot be addressed by these outlets...why buy
the cheap stuff? Call a counselor or go online to talk to a therapist!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
reported that Americans are buying more alcohol than in previous
times. In addition she reported they are buying the cheaper types
of beer and wine, as opposed to the pricier brands.
Of course being a counselor I immediately thought oh my....with
the times as tough as they are more folks are self medicating
by drinking and if they are buying the cheaper types, they can
buy more....therefore consuming more? Sure enough, the reporter
went on to confirm my fears by stating that people are
buying larger quantities and drinking at home more
often than they have in the past "to save money".
Research over the years have shown that problem drinkers
consume more often at home, in addition to drinking higher
quantities where they consider to be their secret place
to drink....their houses or apartments. While this might be
better for those driving on the roads, or having dinner at our favorite bar/grill, the overall picture painted by this new information is that during these tough economic times we as a country are turning more and more to alcohol to dull the pain in our lives.
There are so many heathier options if you are experiencing tough times in your life. The stresses of daily life can be alleviated by exercise, meditation,
your particular faith (if you have one), by talking to a friend or
even playing your favorite video game. If you are experiencing
problems that cannot be addressed by these outlets...why buy
the cheap stuff? Call a counselor or go online to talk to a therapist!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
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