Are You Worth Your Time?

Today more than ever I keep hearing, "I really need to do "whatever", but
I can't find the time. "If you want time, you must make it."(Charles Bruxton). I would argue that Mr. Bruxton was right! The only way you will ever find time for anything is to schedule it in the blackberry, on your calendar... or place it on the top of your daily "to do" list.

Ah...but women in particular while fabulous at multitasking & juggling between
their business and caretaking duties...are absolutely terrible at making time
to take care of themselves, i.e. their needs,their bodies, their feelings, or even years after women's lib.. asking for what they want or need! For many this time was the beginning of losing themselves. Years later as they feel abandoned by spouse/partners many come asking for tools to cope with a life they have to build for themselves! So used to taking care of others, they are clueless or feel guilty about putting that same time and effort into taking care of their own needs and scheduling time for the simplest things...a physical, working out or even taking time to remember what they enjoy or may still be passionate about before they started "real life" many years ago.

As they are getting in touch with who they are now and finding a purpose...even one minute at a time, if that's what it takes...these wonderful, interesting women appear to reawaken and actually say they are more themselves than ever! They begin to worry they are becoming selfish as they find themselves guarding time they now treasure to spend on what they want, need & feel is important. Some question their commitments, some wonder if they have ever had a healthy relationship of any kind. The roles they have played practically their whole adult lives may not longer fit into the "healthy" relationships that they long for...with family, friends and loved ones. Changing creates ripples in all of these emotional tides..but can the ripples lead to a more fulffilling trip? You really can can learn to ride the waves.
So ask yourself today...are you worth your time?



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Parent Action Instead of Reaction?

School is starting...so much excitement, along with new blank pages of paper, packs of pens & pencils, new electronics...all the trappings of a new school year!
Parents feel they are arming their children with everything they will need for
a successful school year. Even if they had a tough year previously... Mom and Dad
are feeling this is the year it will all turn around for their students!

I asked a mom of a child with earning issues the other day if she had already contacted the school? Had she scheduled a conference prior to school beginning to make a plan to assist her daughter in improving her performance and lowering her own anxiety & the stress from the previous year. She said she usually waits until the first progress report or report card before I start to " panic". So I asked her "You are choosing then to react rather than act and make a plan to help your child and you from having academic and/or social issues at school?" "I guess so."
she said. Before the end of the session she was asking how to make a
learning plan for her child for the upcoming school year.

If her child had a documented learning issue...which she did, what had been keeping her from working with the school or making a 504 plan for her child? The issues her child has do get in the way of her ability to learn at a "normal" rate. But this mom
was concerned about upsetting the teachers...even though she and her daughter had
spent the last two school years stressed out...affecting not only her daughter at school, but family life and the Mom's marriage. She didn't want to look like a problem parent at school. But after challenging that idea Mom admitted that she really didn't want to admit that her daughter might not become the doctor or lawyer she had dreamed of when she was born...not matter how hard Mom is pushing her o make it happen.

Why react, when you can act? We as parents are willing to spend a small fortune on
getting our children physical school supplies. Why not give our child a plan?
All it will really cost us is our time. Are we really more concerned about upsetting our chidlren's teachers...and willing to set our student up to fail or stress out trying to keep up with work when they have a true disability? We would rather them struggle than admit they have a learning concern not only to the school...but to ourselvies? We would rather go back to school ourselves...working with our student for hours each night, or worse yet, doing the work for them...than to help them learn to cope with their learning issues and move forward with their education? Some parents enjoy the drama...but I suspect most just don't know how
to take the first step in order to make an educaitonal plan for their children.


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com

Fear Being There For Your Child?

So many times parents bring their children to counselors only
to discover their own issues or likeness to their children in their
formative years. This can lead to good outcomes with all receiving
informtation and tools to assist with their lives. The flip side however is
many times the parent goes into denial only to continue berating the child or blaming others for the child's issues or diagnosis, (ADD,ADHD,Aspergers,etc.).

Our kids don't come with an owner's munual or directions....neither
did we when our parents welcomed us into the world. Somehow
many adults feel such guilt over carrying on genetic traits
that they will run away from help not only for themselves, but
their children as well who are dealing with an increasing fast moving
informational and educational world. This only disables
them further if they have learning or social issues in
addition to denying them a parent who may have traveled down
a similar road as a youth.... who could give them a wonderful model of success
to follow, giving the child strength to deal with life.

Encouragement from our parents along with what we do, (not what we say) are
the most powerful blueprints for our children to follow. If you have a child with
concerns does it make sense to rob them of their most precious resource if you experienced similar issues growing up? Might sharing your experiences and demonstrating to your child help them cope with challenges in life?

Let your children come to you with their struggles and their triumphs, share yours from when you grew up as well. You are your child's best example. Don't run, blame or deny...you will only suffer guilt of not being there for them and deny yourself healing as well.


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Forgiveness True Test of Friendship?

Every now and then even the truest, oldest friendships are tested. Usually
by a misunderstanding or words spoken in haste that of course cannot be
recanted. Other times people get involved and "color" the events and
get in between friends of long standing only to "stir the pot" for their
own entertainment or love of drama.

For most the toughest part of mending fences is actually sitting down with
their friend and hearing their perception of what took place & thinking
about what was going on in their lives at the time of the conflict. Many
times it actually turns out of course that the reality each friend was
going on was totally different from the other. Or....one or both parties were
dealing with events in their lives which may have caused stress and immature
responses to the actual situation which caused the break in the friendship.

Is it better to be right or to forgive? Do you want to win or to be happy?
If you are holding on to bitterness...what is your pay off for doing so? Many
times it takes one to let go of the hurt so that the fences of friendship may
be mended.


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com