I have often wondered what having bipolar disorder is like. Grieving I
am beginning to believe has to be a lot like that, with variations of
mood that come and go like the wind. Without much warning a good day can
become a sad time or listening to music can dissolve into a "pity
party". These "cycles" are temporary, however they effect whatever I am
engaged in. Funny we are taught in graduate school, for therapists, that
there are stages of grief, predictable, you know. I am finding when one
isn't the counselor, like most intense feelings in life...grief is messy
and not so organized at all.
The most difficult times are the weekends when my friends "couple up"
for various activities and functions. They may kindly send an invite but
typically I do not want that "3rd wheel" feeling of tagging along.
Bedtime can be tough too...no matter how I try to wear myself out...I
find myself all too aware that I am in that king size bed alone, with
the TV on, as I no longer have the soft snoring sounds coming from the
other side.
I am told to be gentle with myself through these times and I try to be. I
find if I am too understanding I can become "stuck" in
memories and not move forward with my day. Identifying my grief"
triggers" is my goal these days, so that I do not dissolve
into sadness in the middle of a holiday event or a time out with
friends. Not surprisingly it is easier to be the counselor, than the
client.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944
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