"Journey Without Leaving Home"

A Spiritual Journey

And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles,
no matter how long,
but only by a spiritual journey,
a journey of one inch,
very arduous and humbling and joyful,
by which we arrive at the ground at our feet,
and learn to be at home.

~Wendall Berry

 

It has been almost 3 months since I have attended to my blog. In that
time very little new has occurred. But I have "journeyed" far without ever
leaving my little Florida town and my
world has changed so very much.

I had been warned how tough the holidays would be, the New Year
and Bill's birthday...Valentine's Day. My Mother in Law was still
grieving. She refused to eat and developed a blood clot. She went into Hospice care.
People I had hoped would be there for me, even family went back to
their lives of course. But remarkably others whom
I had never expected to be in my life, stepped up and were there... in very big
ways!

Each of the "1sts" as they are called in the "W Club" (Widows & Widowers)
came and passed. While I missed my husband I had supportive friends
and family who surrounded me, I also found the time
alone, not only bearable but refreshing.Yes there have
been and will continue to be lonely days to be sure..way too quiet for
my liking, but here for me to navigate non the less.

Amazingly after Valentine's Day an interesting thing happened. I began to
really value my minutes, hours and days to myself. In fact I have become
quite protective of them. Friends from the past who haven't been a part
of my present want to invade and I find myself building boundaries
that I probably should put there long ago. I'm looking for sincerity in relationships
in place of perhaps numbers which at one time might have been important.

My Mother in Law has recovered. At 93 years of age she is happy
and healthy...wanted to go forward in her life and live it everyday. She
is an inspiration to me, as was her son.

Don't misunderstand...my "big guy" still crosses my mind daily...feel him
pushing me to do certain things as he might have. He had such a big
heart & was so thoughtful...I've never been that kind! Spending my life
with him however made me a better person...and it feels some days like he
is continuing to motivate me.

There is no choice really...but it is refreshing to discover that I can live
without the love of my life....and he would want me to. I can smile,
even though he is no longer in this world...I can live on for myself and
that is OK.

























Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/61944