I heard a person tell another the other day
that due to a set of decisions someone
they knew had made that they thought
they were no longer normal and due to
that idea they weren't going to associate
with them any longer. Not normal? What
is "Normal" anymore?
I am not sure I know the answer. At the risk
of being labeled by many I wondered if what
was normal to a 30ish Hispanic woman would
be normal to a black teenage guy? Or could a middle
age white man possibly know how normal
appeared to a senior citizen living on a fixed income
in a retirement home. Hmmm....maybe it isn't
the color of our skin that dictates our prejudice
in how we see the world ...it is the color of our
"rose colored glasses" .. our own personal
realities that tell us what normal is. Perception
is reality I have heard it said...so once again, what is
normal?
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
DeLand, Florida Counseling Office and Sunshine State Online Therapy/Coaching/Consultation/Advocacy
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Do We Have A Clue?
Do we parents really have a clue? Do parents realize that
at age 9-10 today some girls are hitting puberty?
Are we as parents or grandparents aware of how
"aware" they may be, yet with the naivety of a kid
.... our kids really are and how dangerous that
combination can be?
Just because our children can upload a questionable
photo of a classmate (who puts it out there not knowing it's
there for life), should they? Does a 6th grader view it any
differently than sending the latest gossip on their cell
phones to everyone in their class? Is a 5th grader who
is charged and expelled from school for an angry remark
made on their My Space after a tough day responsible for
a crime? Should they be able to get their hands on such
technology that can do such harm or make others feel in
danger? Or do we all feel that doesn't happen to our kids,
in our communities?
Having been a guidance counselor it is scary to know
that one texted remark can cause a total disruption
of a grade level if not an entire school with a school
"rumble" if the adults are not "awake" to that
probability. Are we supervising our child's online
or on cell communications? Are we willing to risk not
being our child's "friend" or willing to be accused of
invading their privacy in order to protect them
from hurting possibly, gee... themselves?
They may be far ahead of you in technological knowledge
...but they are still 11, 12, 13 ....with all those ages bring
with it! "Tweens" and teens they are all "doing it"...
texting, emailing and/or hosting their own social network
pages!
I think as parents and grandparents we want to believe,
well our kids would never....not only would they ever....
probably already are? Want to take that chance, really?
It only takes the time to type or text folks...to
change a life forever!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
at age 9-10 today some girls are hitting puberty?
Are we as parents or grandparents aware of how
"aware" they may be, yet with the naivety of a kid
.... our kids really are and how dangerous that
combination can be?
Just because our children can upload a questionable
photo of a classmate (who puts it out there not knowing it's
there for life), should they? Does a 6th grader view it any
differently than sending the latest gossip on their cell
phones to everyone in their class? Is a 5th grader who
is charged and expelled from school for an angry remark
made on their My Space after a tough day responsible for
a crime? Should they be able to get their hands on such
technology that can do such harm or make others feel in
danger? Or do we all feel that doesn't happen to our kids,
in our communities?
Having been a guidance counselor it is scary to know
that one texted remark can cause a total disruption
of a grade level if not an entire school with a school
"rumble" if the adults are not "awake" to that
probability. Are we supervising our child's online
or on cell communications? Are we willing to risk not
being our child's "friend" or willing to be accused of
invading their privacy in order to protect them
from hurting possibly, gee... themselves?
They may be far ahead of you in technological knowledge
...but they are still 11, 12, 13 ....with all those ages bring
with it! "Tweens" and teens they are all "doing it"...
texting, emailing and/or hosting their own social network
pages!
I think as parents and grandparents we want to believe,
well our kids would never....not only would they ever....
probably already are? Want to take that chance, really?
It only takes the time to type or text folks...to
change a life forever!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
As Long As There is Life...
"As long as there is life there is hope". I don't know who
said that...but there is always a chance as long as you are
breathing. I have for some time recommended that even
in the most stressful times...focus on just
breathing if nothing else. Why?
As long as you breathe....things can change for the better.
If you just breathe in breathe out every minute of every day....circumstances around you can improve and if you are
there you may benefit from the changes. People who are
anxious and clinically depressed are difficult to convince
of this at times. But if they try to breath deeply and evenly
...working on that alone....they will be successful, thus
creating serotonin in the brain.. feeling less anxious
or depressed. The best part is they will be alive....they
will be there, when the sun comes out in their lives again.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
said that...but there is always a chance as long as you are
breathing. I have for some time recommended that even
in the most stressful times...focus on just
breathing if nothing else. Why?
As long as you breathe....things can change for the better.
If you just breathe in breathe out every minute of every day....circumstances around you can improve and if you are
there you may benefit from the changes. People who are
anxious and clinically depressed are difficult to convince
of this at times. But if they try to breath deeply and evenly
...working on that alone....they will be successful, thus
creating serotonin in the brain.. feeling less anxious
or depressed. The best part is they will be alive....they
will be there, when the sun comes out in their lives again.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Only Short Cuts For Us Today?
Why are such horrible personal errors bring committed in today's society? Jobs are hard to find and you may need to relocate. Divorce is still available. In fact in most states it is easier and less expensive than ever before. Child custody in most cases is split evenly, so called "shared parenting". While the economy might be a convenient place to foster the blame and the media certainly does that all day every day for many of society's ills. Isn't that way too simplistic? Are job losses and money woes the answer to why we are killing ourselves, our families and our neighbors at an alarming rate?
Is it perhaps the speed with which our world moves today? Can you really get away from video communication, multi media or have you even wanted to? Perhaps it creates a certain type of personal isolation. The generations who have not grown up without some type of computerized or video involvement appear to not know how to deal with real life, as opposed to "reel life" on those very machines or technical outlets that have given them hours of enjoyment and pleasure. Have we become so used to immediate gratification that the impulsively of blowing away our families seems less painful than going through a divorce or moving to a new town to look for a job?
We may need to consider learning social and coping skills to deal with the many trials and tests life can present. It may seem "old school"...but many times you might want to look past where one has been to know where you are going. It is difficult to teach skills to our children when we never have learned them ourselves. How many lives will have to be lost...many of them totally innocent before we discover that technology is not going to teach us everything...and while it is a tremendous tool...it cannot teach anyone how to actually live their lives....everyday...the good and the not so good days. We don't have to die to solve problems, or kill our families or friends. Sometimes it is just as simple as remembering to breathe......then keeping breathing until you can work out a living solution to your temporary problem.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Is it perhaps the speed with which our world moves today? Can you really get away from video communication, multi media or have you even wanted to? Perhaps it creates a certain type of personal isolation. The generations who have not grown up without some type of computerized or video involvement appear to not know how to deal with real life, as opposed to "reel life" on those very machines or technical outlets that have given them hours of enjoyment and pleasure. Have we become so used to immediate gratification that the impulsively of blowing away our families seems less painful than going through a divorce or moving to a new town to look for a job?
We may need to consider learning social and coping skills to deal with the many trials and tests life can present. It may seem "old school"...but many times you might want to look past where one has been to know where you are going. It is difficult to teach skills to our children when we never have learned them ourselves. How many lives will have to be lost...many of them totally innocent before we discover that technology is not going to teach us everything...and while it is a tremendous tool...it cannot teach anyone how to actually live their lives....everyday...the good and the not so good days. We don't have to die to solve problems, or kill our families or friends. Sometimes it is just as simple as remembering to breathe......then keeping breathing until you can work out a living solution to your temporary problem.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Monday, May 11, 2009
Is Hope Really Eternal?
To admit you cannot affect change in a situation is the
ultimate feeling of powerlessness. Why even then is one
tempted by ideas and thoughts that rattle around in
the brain...is that hope? Do you ever really lose it
completely, even when you know the battle is over?
You have given it all...left it on the field...and failed.
Perhaps hope really is eternal?
Letting go of something very precious to you is
the hardest thing one will ever do.Wondering if that
precious thing may be hurt by your leaving..
is that the ultimate in arrogance or hope for another
chance? Are you overestimating your own importance ?
Or underestimating perhaps another's less than honest
intentions? How can all involved watch an innocent be
denied their full potential in the process? Their
best, bright hope for their future...
Can tomorrow bring real change when we stop trying
to change it? Can we find an honest peace for a
life we value? Can folks who claim to love accept less
than the best for a little one or a parent? Can
families be totally deaf & blind as to what is ultimately
best for the ones who have the least power ...only to
hurt them calling it love? Why can't people work together
for the "least of these"...the children of divorce, our
parents, or downcast strangers? Why must we be so
resistant to the strengths of others who can come to
the table with benefits for our Mother, our
elderly Aunt or a beloved kid in a custody fight?
Is real love letting go when the child or grandparent
will be torn apart if the fighting continues...is it selfish
to try to preserve one's sanity when reality and perception
are miles apart?
Let go, somebody has to stop the insanity
right? But the light of hope still burns...
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 386.738.0599
www.junderhilltherapy.com
ultimate feeling of powerlessness. Why even then is one
tempted by ideas and thoughts that rattle around in
the brain...is that hope? Do you ever really lose it
completely, even when you know the battle is over?
You have given it all...left it on the field...and failed.
Perhaps hope really is eternal?
Letting go of something very precious to you is
the hardest thing one will ever do.Wondering if that
precious thing may be hurt by your leaving..
is that the ultimate in arrogance or hope for another
chance? Are you overestimating your own importance ?
Or underestimating perhaps another's less than honest
intentions? How can all involved watch an innocent be
denied their full potential in the process? Their
best, bright hope for their future...
Can tomorrow bring real change when we stop trying
to change it? Can we find an honest peace for a
life we value? Can folks who claim to love accept less
than the best for a little one or a parent? Can
families be totally deaf & blind as to what is ultimately
best for the ones who have the least power ...only to
hurt them calling it love? Why can't people work together
for the "least of these"...the children of divorce, our
parents, or downcast strangers? Why must we be so
resistant to the strengths of others who can come to
the table with benefits for our Mother, our
elderly Aunt or a beloved kid in a custody fight?
Is real love letting go when the child or grandparent
will be torn apart if the fighting continues...is it selfish
to try to preserve one's sanity when reality and perception
are miles apart?
Let go, somebody has to stop the insanity
right? But the light of hope still burns...
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 386.738.0599
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Happy Wish You Weren't Mother's Day?
"I am done with her" a Mom said as she began our session
with she and her daughter the other day. I asked what she
meant and she basically let both of us know she didn't want
to be her daughter's mother any longer. I told her she really
didn't have than option as her daughter is only 13 and she
looked at me like I had two heads.
Where has the idea come from that young mothers have
a choice once they have had given birth to their children
and not placed them for adoption, or given custody
to someone else early in the child's life? A mom on
Dr. Phil's the other night mentioned just getting through
4-5 more years until the kids turned 18 as her theory on
"parenting" . Where has the message come from that to
mother a child is only biological in nature and
the rest is a spectator sport?
Mother's Day is Sunday. I had a friend whose young
daughter had given custody to her ex spouse as she just
didn't want to parent. She wondered out loud why no one
at work had brought her a mother's day gift as they had
all the other workers there? She decided it was because
she was so young...not thinking that perhaps they
remembered that her mother, ex spouse and his parents
had basically raised her son in her physical and emotional
absence since his birth. She appeared oblivious to that possibility.
If you wish you weren't a mother tomorrow....here are
a few theories for you: You can "fake it 'til you make it"
for your children's sake. No matter what, don't have any
more children for ANY reason. And don't just try, but do
get some professional assistance so you do not raise
another generation of Mothers with no parenting skills.
If you can't do it for yourself...do it for your Mother. It
will be the best gift you could ever possibly give her!
Accept your part as a Mother in parenting your children
....it is a lifetime filled with work, but also a lifetime of joy.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
with she and her daughter the other day. I asked what she
meant and she basically let both of us know she didn't want
to be her daughter's mother any longer. I told her she really
didn't have than option as her daughter is only 13 and she
looked at me like I had two heads.
Where has the idea come from that young mothers have
a choice once they have had given birth to their children
and not placed them for adoption, or given custody
to someone else early in the child's life? A mom on
Dr. Phil's the other night mentioned just getting through
4-5 more years until the kids turned 18 as her theory on
"parenting" . Where has the message come from that to
mother a child is only biological in nature and
the rest is a spectator sport?
Mother's Day is Sunday. I had a friend whose young
daughter had given custody to her ex spouse as she just
didn't want to parent. She wondered out loud why no one
at work had brought her a mother's day gift as they had
all the other workers there? She decided it was because
she was so young...not thinking that perhaps they
remembered that her mother, ex spouse and his parents
had basically raised her son in her physical and emotional
absence since his birth. She appeared oblivious to that possibility.
If you wish you weren't a mother tomorrow....here are
a few theories for you: You can "fake it 'til you make it"
for your children's sake. No matter what, don't have any
more children for ANY reason. And don't just try, but do
get some professional assistance so you do not raise
another generation of Mothers with no parenting skills.
If you can't do it for yourself...do it for your Mother. It
will be the best gift you could ever possibly give her!
Accept your part as a Mother in parenting your children
....it is a lifetime filled with work, but also a lifetime of joy.
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Not Deciding Is a Choice
"But I just can't make a decision" I heard someone say the
other morning. Do they really think they aren't making a choice? Not deciding on something is making a choice to stay where you are. Others may feel these people aren't choosing at all . But it can actually give the fence rider great power in a situation or cause others around them much frustration. Friends and love ones may feel these non deciders are stuck...what they may not get is the person is wanting to keep the status quo..there are payoffs for things as they are... it is a choice!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
other morning. Do they really think they aren't making a choice? Not deciding on something is making a choice to stay where you are. Others may feel these people aren't choosing at all . But it can actually give the fence rider great power in a situation or cause others around them much frustration. Friends and love ones may feel these non deciders are stuck...what they may not get is the person is wanting to keep the status quo..there are payoffs for things as they are... it is a choice!
Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor &
Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor
License #MH9166
Phone: 386.747.7148
Fax: 407.264.8289
www.junderhilltherapy.com
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