The Blues of the Season

Does the beginning of the holiday season bring dread into your heart? As you
go into the stores and see the decorations going up does it bring tears
to your eyes, rather than a twinkle & a smile?

Many people suffer from seasonal depression, particularly now, between
November-January. For some it is the memories of better days, while
for others the solitary hours that are their daily lives. Still many will tell you
this time of the year has always made them "blue".

The temptation will be there to try to cheer these suffering folks up or get them into the "holiday spirit". Without trying to motivate them, go and be with them instead. When much of the world is in a celebratory mood, you may not understand. But give them an opportunity to tell you their "story". For someone who is surrounded by "blue" instead of the traditional red, brown & gold of this holiday season just being there & hearing them is an incredible, caring gift.




Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Women, Mixed Up In Friendship?

Women friendships are complex in nature. Add children, spouses, or even pets into the "mix" and
it all becomes extremely difficult to navigate. If the friends are opposites, one shy, for example
and one extroverted...perhaps it is easier, as each can use their strengths to make contributions
to the relationship. But if similar in nature...for example both strong willed
and opinionated..even simple situations will be seen as a power struggle...
threatening and misunderstood...leading to hurt feelings, anger and resentment.

Unlike men women do not learn early to compartmentalize unless they are involved in sports
or are raised in a home that does not push the old school female agenda. Boys & men
can separate business from friendship, losing from socializing, while girls and
women not so much! Many women are smashing the glass ceiling professionally these days...
but still haven 't developed the talent or ability to be able to "leave it on the field"...or the office, school, business, etc.....unable to separate feelings from situations in which they find themselves,with the same individuals. Most men can go have a beer after a competition or business debate....while women doing likewise over a glass a wine?  Well, don't think so! More likely most women will will take it home and analyze it only to carry it over well into the next day if not several more to come.

All stereotypical of course...but has honestly observed in many female friendships on any given day. For all of our wonderful female abilities of expression and emotional understanding, women tend to create more "drama" than is ever needed or called for. Mixed up? What do you think?






Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

Treatment Of Security?

As I spend more and more time around cancer patients in treatment...
it becomes ever more apparent they feel safer near their doctors or primary
treatment facilities. For some just being in the same town is
a security lifeline which permits them to live day to day with less anxiety,
fear and concern for their conditions. Ironically for most, even being released
to go "home, home", (real home towns), creates great tension and
apprehension that they will not taken care of or that something will happen
to them while they are back in their own homes with their families.

I spoke with a survivor of breast cancer of many years. She told me that
even for her...she worked in a hospital, and preferred to be at work during
her treatment period as it made her feel more safe. "If something happened,"
she said, "I was in the right place."

Makes you wonder about celebrities, since that is who we hear about ....like
Michael Jackson. Perhaps it isn't the medical treatment they seek as much as
the security of having a medical professional at their beck and call. Even sadder in his case... the doctor may not been there for him medically, or more importantly did not provide the safety and security Michael Jackson may have really been seeking.


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311 http://www.junderhilltherapy.com/

"Pity Party"

Ever wake up and just cannot shake some very powerful
thoughts about your life? Many will call themselves "depressed" or say they need a "mental health day".

Perhaps even before the end of this day or the next, folks tend to begin to sheepishly apologize for taking this time to soothe themselves  or receive what they would like to get from others...attention to "negative feelings" such as sadness, fear, regret, frustration or anger.

I can't help but wonder if people should give ourselves this time more often and make it "OK"? Perhaps we could avoid many of the bigger issues such as anger problems, anxiety disorder or true clinical depression. Many of those concerns stem, though not entirely, from the build up of feelings over time that we tend to deny or push down in order to get through our day to day lives. For many this is becoming tougher all the time.We will not always get from others what we need or feel "heard" therefore building up frustrations. Many feel it is selfish to validate their own feelings, but, perhaps a "pity party" once in a while, might just be an effective "self help" prescription?




Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor/Online Therapy
Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.873.4311

Perspective Southern Style?

As I sat in Little Rock Arkansas waiting for our oncologist,(my husband's current remission had ended), I couldn't help but be struck by my concern over other issues...my clients, my adult children & grandchildren, my Mother's estate and our finances of course in these tough times. All the things that for so many months had seemed so unimportant to think about as they were part of my daily life. I had basked in it, as it was so close to the "normal", we had experienced prior to my husband's diagnosis of High Risk, Multiple Myeloma/Plasma Leukemia in 2009. For most of 2011 we had become almost a regular couple. Bill, my husband is retired and I am working part time in my small private practice. We were seeing friends again for dinner, planning trips to our small chalet in NC, enjoying our walking horses and looking at getting more serious about kayaking. Not perfect, as I lost my Mother and Bill's Mom was in a nursing home. But, typical things for many people in Florida in our age group!

Now as I was looking once again at a possible long stay away from home(we were here for months last year)...all those things seemed so precious and so far away from the life we were now thrust back into by my husband's disease! Yet, I was also so thankful that we had a place to go that could offer him hope for more time with a decent quality of life. Still this was different...I was so determined before, this time I was sad. I could see due to this short remission length that our circle of "normal" was only going to get smaller as my husband's remissions grew shorter. I didn't want to be here this trip, didn't want to be away from the life we had created since our "nomad" searches for treatment in 2010. Despite the miracles and kindness at MIRT/UAMS I wanted to go home, almost like a child to the place where I feel I can face the realizations of just how precious and short life is. I almost felt like Scarlett wanting to return to "Tara".

Everyone keeps asking how I am holding up? Sad, as I said, wishing it wasn't "What it is". But I am dealing with it, being all my hubby needs me to be. The things I thought about in the waiting room the other day are actually a comfort as they will be there when we return and be taken care of until then. We will once again take up our lives...whatever size that circle of life may be. The doctor says this is "just a bump in the road". For me more like a hill this Florida gal must climb!


Jodi H.Underhill MEd.,LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor;
License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Need A Reaction Update?

When lifes events make major changes in your life, how do
YOU react? Do you blame the heavens, other people or
just curse your bad luck?

Life is full of challenges and everyone has them of one
type or another. How you view each of life's lessons or
your attitude toward what comes with the "new normal" in their
"wake" determines your future and your actions.

Most who visit my office with their concerns demonstrate patterns of belief, attitude or routines that just don't fit
any longer with their present lives. Many people are "stuck"
and looking for someone to pull them out of the "mud". After we work on new strategies to navigate life's hills, curves and construction zones...not to mention the mountains and
bridges, most can view their life's map with renewed confidence
in their ability to navigate what comes.

What about the valley areas that can be so deep? Taking a look
at our belief systems and their outcomes can help us develop our abilities to deal with the lows of life, and like the really good times...they will come...as they are both
parts of life. How we feel about them and react to them makes all the difference.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289

Divided Families, Divided Child?

Constantly working with families who are not together usually due to divorce, I find there is always in the middle a child or children who only want to love both parents, in addition to the grandparents, aunts, etc. on either side. An there is the tough "nut"...the family "sides", both feeling they know what is best....even perhaps trying to alieninate the other parent by telling the child negatives about them, making thinly veiled threats or manipulating children to the point of emotional abuse.
What is even more upsetting is they do this absolutely certain that they are right and it is in the best interest of their child...or do the just want to win or be right?

What rich lives children could have if coparenting could be
actually done in the truest sense. The adults might put their
"weapons" away to work & even play together for the child's sake. How excited a boy or girl would be to look over while playing their basketball game to see his family members in the crowd, (not neccesarily together)..or hear grandparents calling each other to see if the others would like to come along on a special outing to enrich it for the child or children they all love so much.

But instead of these positive efforts, they threaten the parental rights of the other parent.... try to demonstrate how awful they may be or how attached the child/children are to them by at times purposely manipulating demonstrations of the child's
loyalty at the cost of his or her emotional wellbeing. These kids have enough divided "issues" without their very soul
being torn up any further.





Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311

Ordinary Days

What makes an ordinary day? Your alarm goes off, the coffee maker starts and your house slowly wakes to a new day? Or...is it the people in your sleepy home being there with you or those you will see in short order as you head off to work, retirement activities or school?

If the routines and people you count on every day weren't there..would
it be so ordinary after all? Perhaps the not nearly as special as these
days we take for granted, when all is right with our tiny individual
worlds...just as we expect and those we care about to be.

Many who come for counseling yearn for these ordinary days...when life
doesn't throw curve balls so much or people are there for them to
feel loved and to depend on. Some others yearn for "drama" to ease the pain or dullness of their daily existance.

So if you start days you want & expect them to be each morning....be mindful that they are perhaps "extraordinary" after all. Enjoy that you have your routines, your loved ones and the activities what make your life your own!



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.837.4311
http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/61944

Intimacy, Ever?

Dr. Berman, a therapist who has appeared on Oprah many times has a homework assignment to help couples... "Start giving your partner a 10-second kiss at least once a day," Dr. Berman says. "You'll be surprised to see what a difference it makes and how long it feels compared to what you normally do."

Many couples who come to my office are looking to reconect for various reasons...but most are saying finding intimacy again is the most difficult for them. Whether old or young, gay or straight...the feeling of truly being connected with the person they love is the #1 priority couples mention when they visit my office for counseling.

After a short time however it becomes clear if true intimacy is what peope are searching for or primarily the physical part
of it. Many who have been outside their relationship discover that
they are actually afraid of real intimacy, while others discover
that they have never truly experienced it with another person. Still others long for that special "something" they had with their parnter many years ago...intimacy?

For long term couples Dr,. Berman's homework assignment many times
awakens feelings that may have been long in slumber....opening up
communication channels to get acquainted with the person they haven't really known, having been busy with raising families, building careers and facing whatever life has brought them over the years.

It has taken a great deal of time for couples to lose what brought them together. Concentrating on "the kiss" will certainly not bring it all back "in a flash"...but it is truly a great place to begin to discover a way back to each other....or perhaps to each other for the very first time.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Facing Death...How We Live?

Facing your own mortality without faith of some type would appear to be a frightening proposition. I do remember a professor of mine saying once that since we don't recall being fearful before we are born, if it is that same "nothingness" when we die...do we need faith since there is nothing to fear?

My Mother died this past year and on Mother's Day I couldn't help but reflect on her, as well as my own mortality. I attended a service for a dear family friend in the afternoon. She had passed away at age 108...a truly remarkably long and fullfilling life. As I sat listening to the pastor speak of her good works and faith over her many years of life...I wondered if she had not had her faith to sustain her, if it would have been less of a life, than she had lived. I remember her strength, as well as my Mother's in her final days...even though a pastor said Mom was a "timid Christian", (in other words she was afraid of death). Mom and all of us are human,therefore perhaps fearful, and definately not perfect. But hopefully we leave impressions on this earth, during the time we are fortunate enough to spend here, only a meer sparkle in time, and only perhaps a twinkle the hearts of those we love.

I am not a Christian couselor per se....but I choose to have
my faith. It is a choice, after all....as is how
we live.



Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Finding Your Safe Place

What makes us feel safe? Is it when one of our country's enemies are killed or captured? Is it knowing we have a job & therefore a way to care for our family and ourselves? Or is it internal...something felt within. Having the knowledge you are able to cope with whatever life may throw your way?

I recall a neighbor as a child who built a bomb shelter. They
felt after it's completion that they were prepared if the cold war had escalated to an attack on the USA. This morning the "talking heads" are discussing how one door may have closed for our country...an attempt to make our country feel safer. So many times at the conclusion of therapy clients say they feel better able to cope with stress & attacks on their self esteem. Many in our country feel happy & relieved this morning as a terriorist has been eliminated.

How can you feel safer?

1. Many times you cannot control what happens in life...
only how you react to it. Your values will make a huge
impact on your dealing with issues that come up. If they
are totally inflexible it will many times be harder for
you to tolerate situations in which you may find yourself.

2. Claim what you can control in your life to make
yourself more "fit" physically, emotionally & psychologically.
Working on your body and mind through self help, exercise, classes, groups and counseling to acquire & practice coping skills.

3. Sharing with your children the ability to make good choices
and decisions. Teaching them these skills from a very young age will not only help them feel safer, but lower the stress level of you as a parent knowing you have helped them to be prepared for situaitons they will face.

4. Many put off dealing with people or partcular problem for years.For many making a good plan, a choice and following through on it can revitalize a safety for an indiviudal...do away with a big, gray cloud that has stolen their emotionaly energy.

Safe life travels to you all!


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

A Life Reflected

I have often heard it said that how we face death reflects how we have lived our lives. A cancer patient of many years recently signed up for HOSPICE and even as she did her spirit was undeniable. Friends who saw her in her last days remarked that other than the oxygen and needing alot of naps..our friend was herself until medication & her illness made her no longer consciously aware to those who visited her.

She lived with such energy & flare...guess we all thought she might go kicking and screeming, as she loved life so. But over time
it appears she had made peace with her next journey. As she invited
HOSPICE into her home she reflected on her FB account how "good
drugs" would be coming her way and how her appetite was still in
good working order...finding positives still in the life she was
so preciously living, day by day.

Perhaps it is because this incredible lady had fully lived during the few years of her "terminal" illness that she could go "quietly into the night"?

Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Spring Cleaning of the Soul

"Spring cleaning" is a ritual in many homes. Our houses collect dust and things over the winter and many feel compelled to clean them out and refresh the surrounding in which they live.

Perhaps it is a good time to cleanse ourselves of what has built up in our hearts & minds. Then our souls can rise again to love & live our lives.

Here are some ideas to spring forward:

1. Are you holding onto grudges? The
energy it takes not forgiving is only
draining you and keeping you from
living your life fully.

2. Exercise - now that the weather is so
good...it is a great time to start walking.
Not only will it help you get in shape
you can become reconnected to the beauty
that is Spring.

3. Clean out the cobwebs in your mind...
"should" "ought to" "never" "always"
are great ones to start with!

Happy Easter to you all!


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148

Coming of Age

At what age does a parent give their child the label of adult?
When is "maturity" a given, at what age? Is it fair to a
twenty something to look at their lives through the Dr. Phil quote of "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior"...or at some point does that become null and void? At twenty something does the young person deserve a new "predictor"?

Many parents tell me they remember the moment their child grew up, others tell me they wonder if they ever will. When one changes as they mature, do only time & good choices demonstrate an individual is no longer a child? At what point is it no longer fair to predict maturity still looking through the lens of teenage decisions & actions? In our society today is there truly a "coming of age"?


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 386.738.0599 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Therapy: Change or Reflection?

As a therapist my belief is that a counselor needs to
be a change agent in the lives of clients. To provide
a safe place, in which hopefully over time, people will
feel strong enough to risk the changes they were seeking when
they came through my office door in the first place...helping them to cope, so they can navigate their lives is a less stressful way.

A few times however I have found,after challenging clients' beliefs in order to help them affect change that they do not desire change at all. What these clients are wanting out of our therapeutic time together is someone to listen and commenserate. More than once to my amazement, a client has pushed back hard against the challenge of change, asking only to come to my office weekly to have someone listen to them. They just want to be heard. Makes me wonder if one can affect change by providing a reflective pool?


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

Rx: Mediation for John Boehner, Harry Reid?

As our country leaders struggled with the budget this last
week, the two parties reminded me of a married couple continuing a long standing argument....one where the differences are not really ever addressed or solved. Why one might ask? Like our government both "sides" are more interested in pushing their agenda or "winning" the argument, than in reaching a compromise that is best for the "famiy", (our country's citizens)?

Perhaps some couseling in listening skills is in order? Or maybe conflict resolution? What a mediation might do for the leaders of our two policial parties...a counselor can only dream.


Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com

"Clean You Room"

Amazingly most parents of children with ADD/ADHD believe they
can just tell their kids a list of things that equal a clean
room and they will be able to do it. Like being able to follow
directions at school, (or not), children lose focus after
a short time or after about the second thing their parent is asking them to do. Many of the children I see in my practice call what their parents requests "rapid fire" or tell me
that it reminds them of the sound of a machine gun.

All children, not just those with ADD/ADHD can retain directions
best when they are short and concise. Some do better with a short
list that they can see and cross off the parts as they complete
them while others need to be verbally told or physically shown
1-2 things at a time, and then be given the opportunity to complete the tasks, prior to being given another.

Another component to a clean room, or any other chore completion is breaking the task down into "edible bites",like a large cookie broken into pieces...so that the child can understand
and carry out what is being asked of them. Some children can
digest more directions than others, which can be picked up by
an observant parent.Once aware, each time a chore or task is
assigned parents can give it to their child in pieces they
understand & reasonably carry out.

So the next time you say "clean your room", remember the
indidual tasks and actions that go into it! Perhaps starting
with "pick up your clothes", praising the results and then
giving another mini task to the end of a clean bedroom,
will not only lead to what you as the parent desire, but
with alot less stress on you and your child!





Jodi H. Underhill MEd. LMHC Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified K-12 Guidance Counselor License #MH9166 Phone: 386.747.7148 Fax: 407.264.8289 www.junderhilltherapy.com